Some Joy Before the Let Down

 I have to admit what has been helping me MIND MY BUSINESS is daydreaming of getting a new job. It helps me to detach because when these little fires turn into bigger fires later, I won't be here to handle it.

Even if the outcome doesn't go as hoped for, I at least want to enjoy these next couple of weeks. Ideally, if I interview on Tuesday, I'll know within 2 weeks. But who knows. That's the timeline I'm basing my daydreams on.

So for the next two weeks maybe I'll use that high to help myself detach a bit from this job. Then when there's a whole bunch of undone work littered by the wayside, I can at least try to attack it in one fell swoop. 

Oh well.

It didn't work too much today. I soooo wanted to create a spreadsheet or process flow for the 3 programs I had left just to see them side by side. 

Then I remembered a flow I did from October that I actually forgot I did because once I sent the email, I got a "great!", and that was the last I saw of it. 

I got the itch so bad to make something I ended up just drafting a spreadsheet template by hand on notebook paper.

I did poke around our telephony system and sent 1 email, a few chat messages, and submitted 1 IT ticket. Grr.

That was me NOT trying to do work! 

Again all small potatoes. It's non-impactful work but just mess. 

Like smushed frosting. The cake still tastes good but can you clean up the leftover frosting on the box, in the crevices, coming out of the sides of the cake?

I already know it won't result in more money. It doesn't impress my boss. It doesn't motivate the vendor and the agents don't care.

But somehow I still do?

When does my passion turn into a money earner?

I like reading the ESI Money series. The most recent one I read, the guy was a middle earner who fully admitted he just took the calmer path to Millionnaire by not chasing bonuses and promotions.

I obviously seem more motivated to fix some of this stuff than other people so that must mean something, but what?

The last 5 years have taught me that it means nothing - more work for same money. 

So why do I persist?

I'm not going to open my own call center. I don't enjoy vendor management enough to actively want my boss's job. I hate meetings and chatting.  I just like doing good work. Full stop. 

And I don't even like being nice. 

That's really what it takes at my job to move ahead - be nice and chat. 

I notice all my manager's boss's direct reports are very chatty, including my manager. 

I just don't know anymore what to want or what to do.

So instead of taking such a big bite, why don't I practice keeping my head down; holding my tongue; don't criticize, complain, criticize, correct anything until 2 weeks from now or until I hear back about the other job (whichever is sooner).

Yeah, I think that's a good idea actually. Because, theoretically there should be only 2 likely outcomes - I either get the job OR I don't.

If I don't get the job - I'll re-assess my attitude and see if I can continue in this low gear. At least for the rest of summer!

If I do get the job - it doesn't matter what I do!

Ok, Brain, so just lay low as though you are transitioning out of this job for greener pastures!

You can do this.

I literally signed on to work laptop today thinking...I'm sure there's a cheap win I can find. Why, MERJ, why?! 

What more do you need that your effort amounts to nothing?! I'm like really stuck on why I can't get this through my thick skull!