Some New Perspective

 This morning I woke up extremely hopeful. Life was mine for the taking. It was purely meant to be lived by my design. I woke up with this idea that God was giving me another chance. Like the last 35 years was Life #1 and now I have a chance at Life #2. 

For whatever reason I just felt this strong urge to reset my life. 

Think back to who I was at age 7 when I had to begin my life again.

How do I write this story knowing what I know? 

Do I go into it optimistically or just compound the decades of negative emotion.

Oh but the tantalizing allure of hope.

I made beans and rice yesterday; it's easily one of my favorite foods but I pretty much gave up cooking in the last year or so. 

So I made that. And I woke up today looking forward to eating it. 

I wanted to go to church again.

I want to take all the good parts of Life #1 and try to create a better version. Maybe I get a Do-Over. 

I actually want some pancakes but that sounds annoying to make. 

I actively tried to use my last Yaymaker pass. Fail. I tried just not even looking for a Paint Nite Class and went for trivia, but staying up until 10p was not in the cards.  Then I decided to do a Paint Nite and chose Tuesday since that will be a bad day, but then I realized that's the day before my dentist appointment. I'll be too distracted to focus on Paint Nite.

Doing Paint Nite with my cousin kind of ruined it for me. I don't like her as much as I used to. Does anyone else feel like when you do stuff with people you want them to have the same experience as you. 

Blech.

Let's keep riding this sunny high.

I even checked the mail yesterday. The shoulder compression device I bought came earlier in the week but of course I haven't felt like going outside to check the mail. Well I did. Then I didn't feel like dealing with it. I think because I knew it wasn't really going to help. It didn't. It's too big so the compression part is useless. And it smellssssssssssss. I'm sensitive to smell, so the very strong odor of chemicals was actually unbearable so I just took it off. Fail. 

So that happened. 

Then I actually emailed progressive. Apparently when you don't answer their calls, they send you letters. One of the letters had an email address, so I did that. Yay, me. Again, when I know an action isn't really going to solve my problems, I'm just resistant to wasting my time.

So in my new life, I haven't decided what name to use. Right now I have the name I was born with. The name I use at work, and the name I tried to change my name to (Name #2). 

See, ugh. What do I do? Name #2 was full of hope when I imagined leaving NC for greener pastures. That didn't happen. I had every hope and dream pinned to Name #2. When nothing I thought was going to happen, happened, I kind of gave up. 

Ugh. Everything feels like a process. 

On tap for today, supposed to watch some movies and order $8 Papa John's pizza.