Today is Going to Be a Good Day

 I mean it's probably not. It's 4a on the dot and I'm awake.

I realized a few things. When I'm especially anxious/nervous, my brain misfires. It apparently can't function and keep my anxiety at bay well. 

So at some point I really need to prioritize relaxing.

One of the things I learned from my boss is how not to disparage people. I literally want to point out everyone's faults. But I make mistakes everyday. And I certainly don't want anyone pointing it out to me, I take it so personally I don't need anyone else pointing it out.

Yet somehow I keep a mental ledger. 

So why am I anxious:

I told my boss yesterday that I got a verbal offer for the new role -YES! I did.

However, now I'm anxious given my life history that the offer letter might not come and I may have jumped the gun. I'm still so devoted to her I wanted to give her as much notice as possible. 

Oh, since I can't disparage people to their faces anymore, I'm just going to do it here. My aunt gave me bad advice about the insurance company. She kept telling me I needed to call them first. And it wasn't making sense based on what I was reading on the internet and my general understanding of insurance companies. Since she's been a homeowner longer, I decided to listen to her.

Grrr. They've been trying to reach me and I've been holding them off- namely because they keep calling "my home phone" and missing me. Basically, she was saying I shouldn't do anything until they come and do an estimate. So I was kind of relying on them to tell me what the problem was and tell me how to fix it.

Nope, the guy finally emailed me and was like - we won't pay for the leak but we'll pay for any damage the leak caused that's more than your deductible (knew that). He was like call a plumber - and my aunt was all don't do anything until you talked to them first. So I didn't want to move forward with much more than that.

I mean I did use my good judgment and called a plumber, but they didn't really fix the problem, but I didn't want to have them cut the ceiling since that seemed pretty extensive without talking to insurance first, per my aunt's advice. 

Groan. 

I mean I'm still not looking forward to the headache of having more work done on the house. Using the second bathroom hasn't been that inconvenient. I mean it's right there. Luckily I don't have to go downstairs or anything. Honestly, I'm just a little grossed out of toilet water anyway. 

So there we have it. I haven't flushed the toilet since the plumber came out because I'm 100% confident that didn't solve anything. 

But I really don't know what the next step is. 

What'd I tell you - once I committed to this being a low cost year  - the powers that be would conspire against me. And they have. So housing repair. 

And I went to the dentist yesterday - yep... I need a revision on my root canal because I've been feeling heat sensitivity. Another series of appointments. Unfortunately for me, my dentist is 90 miles away and so is the referral for the endodontist. Now I have to find a new endodontist.  I might see if I have to pay though. If I don't, I might be more inclined to make the 90 mile drive.

Although yesterday when I did it, I pretty much hated it. I think what I may do is just take the whole day off if I decide to continue with that dentist. I was still stuck in making a good impression land and churn land when I was scheduling these evening sessions. 

Have to remember I have unlimited sick time (or something). I actually don't know, there might be a cap. I think it was Call Center #2 with unlimited everything.  But it's not Call Center #1 where we didn't have sick time.

Anyway, yeah, that's a pending mind shift. I can take whole days off to go to a doctor's appointment without much mental or actual penalty. I just have to rethink what makes sense for a 180 mile roundtrip. 

Let's see in the winter.. it's harder to wake up.. so I should be up by 10a... plus 2 hour drive.. 12n.

And in the summer, I'm up around 7a.. but don't love leaving the bed before 8a....so let's just say 9a... plus 2 hour drive... 11a...

I guess technically I have to be up for 9a for work in both seasons. So probably 11a is reasonable. Yeah, I might change my Feb appointment to 12n instead of 6p. And if I am up early, I can run errands. 

So yeah.. dental work + house repair - not known to be inexpensive line items. 

Yesterday I had two delicious bowls of rice and beans. Yum.

Eventhough I haven't signed the offer letter yet, I am starting to detach from current role.

My goal for the next 2 weeks is not to be hateful. Don't disparage my team or my boss or my role. I want to be kind and gracious. No JetBlue exit! I might even churn a little just to make sure they miss me - I mean they won't, but you know me. 

I think part of why I'm up - well my teeth wanted me to brush them and then I had to go poddy.. but also I'm really hoping my offer letter can get signed today!!!