There's nothing I can do about the equity

 A few thoughts this crisp Friday morning.

Feeling good!

I have finally figured out sleep. A nice cool low 30s to 40s is ideal outside weather for cozy sleep under blankets. Going to sleep between 11:30p and midnight means I will sleep till at least 7a. Which is awesome. Not sure why it took me this long to figure out how to get 7.5 to 8 hours of sleep without waking up through the night. Literally, been having broken sleep for the last few years because I've been going to bed too early.

What that also means is that even on a normal workday, I have from 4p to 12m of free time! Wow!

I'm finally embracing my free time and bored life. Oh well. The urge to fill my time with Stuff and Events and Insta-worthy moment decreases INCREMENTALLY each day. It's not a swift change by any means, I still question whether I should be doing more. 

Remote Shoals

My heart skipped a beat when I got a follow-up from Remote Shoals yesterday. I forgot I had asked a question in the application - that's what they were responding to. I also forgot I had applied. I thought I'd applied to the West Virginia one. Realizing how unappealing it would be to find and furnish housing in Tulsa makes The Shoals seem even worse. 

Bank Bonus

After quite a rough start with these bank bonuses, I had two pay out this week for a total of $500. Yes! That's $1k this year. I probably won't get more than $1200 for the whole year, but no complaints. The first $400 was 10 therapy sessions. This $1k covers my sad $800 tax preparer bill- which I've strangely gotten over. My bonus payout helped soothe that transactional pickle. I love having money. I do! I love saving money. I love good deals. I love everything about financial stability. 

Tinkering

Thinking about paying for a $600 package of Pilates. It's only about 6 sessions. But it might be a nice little treat. It will go under the lifestyle expense fund. Which got a little bit more funding with bonus check. 

Without the hope of dating, and the appeal of other cities, I've been tinkering with whether I want to go to Seattle this summer or anywhere at all. I did so well this week staying home and even planning to stay home and be still the rest of the month that I think I'll be okay being bored at home this summer.

I was trying to find cities closer but when I checked the weather for June as a benchmark, I remembered why Seattle. I also looked at Vancouver, WA. And Vancouver BC. Vancouver BC was quite a bit more. I'm still using the established rental companies for inventory. 

If Seattle, I narrowed it down to Green Lake, the U, or the downtown pad I had. I think for the summer - a cooler destination and a fancy shmancy apartment. A nice view would be nice too. But social activities falls lower on the list, but I think it probably needs to stay on the list so I can break up the day and not feel like I wasted my time coming all the way out there. All that to say, my wishlist and priorities for getting away this summer are evolving.

But I'm definitely more open to not going at all or finding somewhere else to go. 

For the fall, I still think Green Lake will be nice. 

I'll admit, I pictured hanging out with Dan this summer in my most recent search. But I think that's just because he's on my mind. And my brain is trying to trick me into messaging him.  Oh well. 

I'm so proud of me and all my progress even without an audience. I am doing loads better by myself and the urges for emotional connection have significantly subsided. Phew! 

I just spent a whole week alone and I didn't bust out in tears at EVERY MINUTE! #goals

On the docket for today:

- Hook and Reel - it's kind of far and I'm enjoying being cozy in my bed, so we shall see. Plus I have leftovers. 

I'm a bit nervous about the kickoff next week. I don't want to do more work. 

House Equity

Oh! I think the new houses being built; my general dissatisfaction with the lack of amenities and desirable social activities; introduction to the remote programs; and increased equity; and reaching my FIRE number got me thinking broadly about what I want to do with my house. Honestly, it even spilled over into some water cooler chats with other remote workers. 

But at the end of the day, I can't figure out a way to tap into my home equity. I just can't. It's a great thing for someone in a HCOL to move to a LCOL after retirement, etc. But it really serves no purpose for me if I remain in this house. I think the mental exercise of trying to tap into it by moving or renting proved futile. 

It's like a basket of ice-cream treats. Nice in theory, but I can't touch it. 

I thought well what if I "double" my housing budget in retirement, how much would I need. For just $1k/mon more or $12k/yr, I would need $300k in my FIRE budget. Geez right! So yeah, trying to leverage that equity somehow to get a nicer place isn't working out. 

Maybe if I nickel and dime it and jump through some hoops, I could rent out the house and try to funnel some extra funds for a nice apartment. But I would probably need at least $1200 just to even return to my old apartment. But I don't want to rely on income I can't control. And while housing expenses are unexpected, a lot of the repairs and maintenance are optional. I definitely can't control rent increases. That is too much of a variable. And really my back-up. If or when the house starts getting too pricey to maintain, I think a part of me is hoping I can always go back to renting or renting a room or finding somewhere else to live. And I'll have the equity windfall. 

Somehow, I'm not sure why that makes more sense. But I'm mostly tired of thinking of how to capitalize on this equity. And the short answer is I can't. 

Once I reached my FIRE number, I was supposed to figure out what I want to do with this house. Financially, nothing. These are now my nickel plated handcuffs. My early retirement goals depend on this low-cost housing. Didn't see that coming! 

There isn't really much decision making to be had. Right now financial stability is more important than any other non-tangible things like friends or social interaction. I am 100% confident, I will be leaving the workforce within the next 5 years. 

I'm not aggressively saving anymore, so this is my only option.

Once I cry about it, I will soon be able to accept it.