The security blanket of familiarity

 I just drafted a letter I'm thinking of sending to Tulsa Remote. Just last week, I'd decided it was too much work to move there but after another Sunday UnFunday, I decided this is the thing I need.

I realized I've spent most Sundays since I've started working trying to escape NC, but yet I find myself staying week after week. 

But I'm also tired of chasing big dreams. Moving somewhere completely new with no community just feels like the popular definition of insanity.

Moving just to replicate my current environment doesn't make sense, but I feel like I need to move

Knowing that there's no "right answer" is just incredibly frustrating because it removes the hope that my life could go really really well. You know if this is where I was "meant to be." But if it's just me and my grumpy self, I might as well stay put and save my money. But for what.

I need someone to challenge me. I'm not really getting that from White Male Counselor. 

I don't know how to define if the move is a success. 

This house doesn't really serve a purpose for me anymore. It didn't lower my expenses by that much. I guess it did provide momentum. And the equity doesn't do be any good if I just stay in it until I die. I guess in the long-term it has the potential to keep my costs the same, or it doesn't if the repairs and maintenance continue to be an issue. 

But financially with everything else going on with a new move, it doesn't make sense to let go of it just yet. It's just a weird wrench.

The only reason I would keep it would be to have it as an option to return to if my move fails. I only feel brave enough to move having this as a safety net.