The blahs are back

 My eyes have been full of tears the last couple days but refuse to fall. I wish they would just fall. I also think I scalded them a bit the last couple days when cooking in the oven. I was hit with a big blast of steam. Twice! So they've been hurting.

Then I started getting a headache last night.

I'm kind of over cooking.

Oh wait, I think one tear is leaking out of my left eye! Phew. At least that still works. What can you do when you can't count on your depressive tears to fall.

So my perfect year with no contingency plans is all but bust. There are good things happening like my cool Catalyze awards, and awesome bonus, and raise, and free time. But things aren't happening like I planned them so it's kind of throwing me off.

So I'm back to kind of wandering aimlessly.

I'm so sick of planning and plotting.

Yesterday, I did have a bit of fun trying to figure out my bonus and what I wanted to do with my savings moving forward. I had about 4 different ideas I worked through. I read Millennial Mayday and I was intrigued about allocating 50% of my bonus to the 401k. Why didn't I think of that?! 

I think there are parts of me that still gets a dopamine hit with big savings numbers. It's just so cool! No matter which way I plan it, I'm still maxing out my 401k with the March 15 check and bonus check.

But the real issue was, what do I do with contributions after March 15's payslip. 

If I did end up changing my bonus contribution from the 27% to 50%...it would give me about 600-800/mon extra for the next 9 months. After many, many, many hours and hand written calculations, I decided to just leave my allocations as is because emotional brain was like...you've had so many issues with financial institutions over the last 3 months. I didn't want any 'last-minute' changes during bonus season to gum up anything and then have to worry whether or not the change would stick. 

So I'm not touching my contributions. Normally, it wouldn't be an issue to change and just wait and see if the change took place immediately or in 1-2 pay periods as they always claim. But this time, I'm opting out of unnecessary variables. 

So I'm leaving my contributions at they are:

bonus: 27%

regular: 50%

If we recall, the original goals was just to frontload 401k and reset contributions to reach a 36k savings goal for the entire year. Remember this is comfortable goal that will get me to 1 million in 5 years. Which, I mean is awesome and seems achievable without anymore aggressive efforts.

However part of this lower number was because last year I was vacillating on what I wanted to do with my life this year, my last year of my 30s...I was seriously considering spending a full year in Seattle. And just wanted to give myself the option of having the extra cash.

But that full-time Seattle life has gone the way of the birds...out the window. I haven't thought much about it since a conversation with my counselor. When we looked at it logically, it just made sense to lean into my flexible work schedule. So, if you recall, I think I was just going to do 3 6-ish-week sessions around the country (but probably Seattle). Without the pressure and subsequent desire to build community OR Date, Seattle lost a lot of its initial appeal.

So before I digress further, after the Mar 15 paycheck, I will still ratchet my regular contributions down from 50%. It was originally going to be 14% (to reach 36k), but I'm bumping that back up to about 39% which will get me right to the annual IRS max of 66k by the end of the year. And I'll still get my company match. Because they continue to match every paycheck (even after reaching the pre-tax 22.5k max). 

It leaves my net pay...pretty slim, but I don't think I'll feel the pressure of 'aggressive savings' because I'll still get about $1k/mon of extra money for lifestyle expenses and can still fund whatever trips I have planned to date. I was actually starting to get worried about having too much free cash around. Because it's been easier for me to spend on nonsense than I thought. Credit cards, I tell ya! 

And if for any reason, it starts to feel tight, I can always decrease my contribution back from 39% to 14%...no big deal.

So this is the simplest plan from the ones I had which included frontloading my Lifestyle Fund until it reached 20k, and then backing down. But I choose the consistent plan. It'll help with all this spending as my calendar seems to be clearing up as projects get delayed.

Which brought me back to credit cards again. I really want to get the AA card in May when I'm eligible for the bonus again. So I was thinking again if getting a secured card now would help my chances of approval in a few months. Since I've had some bad luck with getting cards lately. The cost would be another hard inquiry on my credit report, which is kinda what negatively impacted me before. 

When I first got approved for the AA card in 2019, I didn't have any credit cards except for my one emergency card of $500. But now I have a mortgage, so that should help. And it's a little grey on whether that emergency card is showing up as an open card with my old name or not. The only reason I would still apply for the AA card with the old name is because I still have miles on that name I want to use. But maybe this sign-up bonus is good enough that I'll just have to move forward without it. There's a thought.

Then I got stuck thinking about boys. Everyone writes so much about their family and all the shows I've typically enjoyed in the past is about dating. And at one point, this is something I actively pursued. So it's just confusing. I have to decide too about texting him or letting the voice number expire. 

I guess a part of me wants to keep hope alive. But the logical part of me is like the quicker you let this go, the faster you can move on. 

In desperation, I joined Hinge again....not as myself (I'm not that nuts!). Just to see if he was still single. Well, he's definitely still active on the app. It has to have been at least a year now. Wow, these dudes are persistent. 

So he's still single and isn't reaching out to me. Why am I agonizing over it. Makes no sense. Yeah, I got to move on. 

"Google threatens to reclaim these unused numbers every couple of months. Here's my personal email .."

"PS - birthday ribs!"

That way I can engage (as Brain is tricking me into doing); but also ask nothing; and still hold onto hope. 

And I'll message The French Girl too dilute it. It'll be a busy Tuesday. 

I deleted the email from Orkin because I want to stick my head in the sand. I'm not doin hard stuff this month. I do need to look at my tax return though.

Was going to wait till I got home but I'm already in get ready to leave mode.

I decided to stop thinking so hard about everything. Use your money, girl!

I will say, I was mildly intrigued about Landing Standby. It might be a cheaper way for my next destination but it'll have to be driving distance (I'm looking at you, SC) and somewhere with a lot of units. I think it would've been a cheaper alternative than what I paid to stay here. Because I technically don't need to stay the month even if I pay for it. 

But I wasn't interested in being bogged down with the logistics of it. 

Yesterday, I was getting stuck in the logistics of eating and packing up to go. When do I get out of optimization mode? 

Maybe I'll stick to only takeout and snacks on travel days so I don't have to worry about dishes, and trash, and cleanup. But I mean it's a full day here tomorrow. So I don't know. 

(oh, sugar! as I re-read this...I forgot to account for company match in the 66k IRS annual limit...so my 39% will probably be a little bit less....whoops! #goodproblems)