I actually didn't enjoy being in a relationship

 So I asked my counselor about the benefits of being in a relationship. He claims a vast majority of people enjoy caring about and sharing life events with an intimate partner. His specific example was a concert he recently attended with his wife. She would prefer to experience an event like that with her partner > friends > going solo.

He summarized for me that it's a personal experience. Only I can decide if it's beneficial for me. I can look at my life without one and with one. I immediately thought, well I've never been in one, so hard to say. I was basing my opinions on the lives of those around me. That magical connection is what I couldn't see, but the tangible things I could see from their highlight reel just didn't seem enough. 

But then I remembered (although I will always deny it)...I did date someone for about 2 years. It was so unmemorable, I've been able to successfully remove it from my historical narrative. Without trying to dredge up the past, I feel like part of why it ended was exactly what I'm saying... I don't see how he added value to my life.

It seemed young and arrogant then, but it's still is true. Outside of finally being able to post for an invisible audience - see "I can get a man, too!".... I found the entire experience tiresome. 

I wish there was more to say. And I wish I would stop looking for someone's blessing to say, it's okay to not want a partner. It's okay to be single by choice/ single for life. No one (but also everyone) will judge you. No one will think you've failed. You have my blessing. You get an intellectual free pass. You will never have to defend your position.  Choose a lane sister- either you're invisible or you have an audience of people watching your every move. 

I choose the former. I come and go as I please. 

Lest we forget, as the young kids say.... no one is checking for you. You are an inconsequential blip on the radar of an that audience exists (and thus matters) only as much you require them to.