Where do I even begin?

 Work is overwhelming. I wish I had someone to call. I'm trying not to cry. I wish I knew my job better. I've been spending more money, but mostly on food. Actually, only on food. I've been eating out ever since the Incident of 2022. I refuse to name names.

More importantly, I've been eating in my car. I've been overeating a little since I just will eat the one meal and hope I don't get hungry again before bed. So far seems to be working okay.

Lowe's officially cancelled my order or something. So still no washer or dryer while I wait for a new credit card. Womp, womp. 

The dumb boy called. At first I wanted to believe it was Love. For a fleeting moment, I thought it all made sense. Obviously, Lowe's cancelled my order so I wouldn't rush to delete this number and thus not be tempted to call him or contact him. (Lowe's uses the same number I gave to the boy.) I wasn't even going to blog about it because I wanted to erase him from my memory. So I waited a day and responded, hopeful he'd ask me out. Surely, the Fates were in my favor! I did try to feed a homeless man and donated to a dead father's children's college fund. Surely, I would be favored right here on earth. Nope, as Logical Brain recently acknowledged - we all know the rules. We live in the same society, and we all know the rules. He's not shy or inexperienced. He's not so genuine that his intentions are pure. He's playing me. He's lonely and bored and likes the attention. So do I. 

I broke my own rule (based on good mental outcomes) and texted in the middle of the night. So now I am and am going to be annoyed all day because he's not texting me back. I KNOW with hard evidence he tends to text between 11p and 12midnight my time. So that's the whole day gone to Feelings.

I just want things to happen so much even when they're contrary to fact. I have so many distant relatives, I don't know why I can't just treat him like that because that's essentially what he is. Is it time to move him to the Tuesday rotation? See how this weekend goes? 

I think I need like a final act to push him over the edge to we're definitely just online penpals that will never meet and have no future. After 40 years, this is all I know so I don't know why it's so hard for me to accept that these dudes are not into me. At All.

I never heard back about that Sr Manager role. I got really excited about that. Can you imagine getting another six-figure job!!! 

I'm still camping out upstairs.

I have to volunteer this weekend. And honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. I have work on the brain. 

I'm about ready to be done with this project.

Yesterday I had to schedule/ re-schedule 3 doctor's appointments. All because of work. I decided to go ahead with the biopsy because the doctor's office has now called me 3 times and sent a certified letter. They said I could bring someone with me. Ha.  

I put in a request for a work phone, so we'll see how that goes. There's a 0% chance it's going to get approved but with all these time zones and increasing workload, I think I'll achieve greater work-life balance. At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.