A Biopsy and Fresh Hot Tears!

 I decided just to cry for the next 48 hours. I just had an ultrasound guided needle biopsy. It was painful to get the numbing medicine. Isn't that ironic. I have to keep the dressing clean and dry for the next 48 hours. They were an hour behind. I was getting worried about a meeting I had at 11 and a doctor's appointment I had at 10:50a.

Having a phone was helpful. I called the doctor and rescheduled for later this afternoon. And I let my colleague know I would be late. 

MERJ is an adult!

By chance a colleague mentioned enrolling her kid in T-ball. He has the best life so I always jokingly try to emulate it in adult life. Anyway, I did a quick internet search for adult softball and I actually got some results for my county. So I'm investigating getting involved in some adult sports.

In my spree of Operation: get out of the house, I also signed up for a Food Bank and a Walk tomorrow.

Then oh yeah, biopsy. I have a lifting restriction and just kind of forgot about it. So yeah, I think I won't be stocking a the food bank tomorrow and won't be going on the walk on Friday. I don't want to get dirty or wet.

I really needed the momentum.

Then the Slow Fade Boy. I'm embarassed and feel desperate. I was supposed to drop the mic and walk away, but I'm still curious what the answer will be. In trying to manage and cut myself where it hurts, I paid the $10 to change that Google Voice number. I didn't quite delete the number but now it prevents me from messaging him without looking Crazy x 3.

I've taken a week to let someone know I wasn't into them because I hoped they'd get the message. 

Once the pain from the Lidocaine caused some tears, they just kept coming.

This really is the Death House. Everytime they ask, did someone come with you? Do you have an emergency contact? How my aunt must have felt the last 2 years of her life, so I can't complain. 

I want to take control of my life. But we've been here before.

I actually wrote out some new rules for dating and gave myself some grace

- It's going to take about 2 years

- I'm going to get it wrong

- If I trust, there is going to be another cute guy, whose age appropriate, and doesn't cause me so much anxiety

- I'm willing to be nice but I think I can't quite reconcile all the anxiety. I can't reconcile why the woman has to speak the man's language and they can't conform and meet us where we are. Communicate, tell me where we stand, be consistent. I don't know where the line to compromise is there. 

Like take yesterday.

I finally got a couple bites.

One guy immediately was like do you want to be my girlfriend! On the rowdy app (which I meant to delete, but it's so alluringly naughty), he kept asking if I thought he was cute and wanted to get into dirty talk. But then the actual Potential Guy is like sporadic texts.

And I'm like...pay attention to me! 

When will the interest level ever match! Do I just accept this is the way things are or do I keep looking for a mutual match and interest level?

I personally prefer being direct and upfront to try to minimize the anxiety on both ends, but it just makes me seem like I'm coming on too strong. Isn't that better? 

Oh the thing I thought about. I wonder if I should have tried to scrounge up my old mammogram. I never did get the results. Knowing my luck, whatever they thought they saw on the 2022 mammogram was probably there 10 years ago and I suffered through all this for nothing. 

And oh boy, what will this medical bill be!

And oh, I spent $14 at Chipotle yesterday. Boo, I don't care what anyone says, I prefer the value I get at Moe's. Nothing about Chipotle is better to warrant that cost.