So yesterday, I got a chance to say lots of things to Slow Fade. I don't know. I was up all night daydreaming scenarios and responses. But that's just par for the course these days. I love to romanticize relationships.
In the back of mind, I'm always thinking though...if you were in a relationship, you'd have to be on all the time. You have to be clean and nice and considerate. That doesn't sound that fun.
I think ultimately what felt good is being to express a range of emotions. I expressed how his lack of response was unkind. Then slightly regretting it, I called him. It was wild. Then texted him. Like all the crazy. I kind of liked that he engaged, but it made it harder to leave.
He pretty much was like I'm not into texting or calling and I don't plan on changing. Ok. Brain already didn't feel asking for what she wanted because the risk that he wouldn't deliver was high. She was right!
For some reason that turned me off. All I heard was: I don't plan on changing For You. Which is fine. I'm not the one for you.
I could never get him to say directly that he wasn't into me. So that was a bit confusing - like do you want to be with me or not. Are you just trying to be the nice guy and say, oh I don't think I'm what you're looking for or are you Secretly in Love with me and pushing me away.
You know when Secret Love comes into play I'm dealing with Delusional Brain.
So actually the pressure of not having to respond is kind of amazing. The daydream is so much better than bursting reality with action.
Meeting calls!
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