Temperance for 2022 (Triggers and other goals)

So I decided Temperance is my theme for 2022. There are just so many things that really got better, namely Feelings, when I just let myself breathe.

Unfortunately it takes at least 2 or 3 days or 2 or 3 years or 2 or 3 decades. You just never know which. 

Now that I know that Highly Sensitive People and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a thing. Triggers are a thing. I really need to figure out how to cope better. 

I have the potential to live an okay life if I can just cope with stress better. Well, really just live full stop.

Yesterday evening I felt extremely triggered and wanted to be self-destructive. I wanted to blow up my life and everyone else's. I did somethings I hope I don't regret later... but I may.

And this morning, I feel ready to take on the world again.

So rejection or these failed connections on the dating apps are definitely a trigger. I like to think exposure therapy will work but I don't know. I know I need to not make decisions when I'm in a triggered state but it literally feels like the only thing that will work is to react when you're in that state. Anything to make the Feeling go away. 

I can't wait for the science to come out that x,y,z is causing all this mental distress. I bet it's going to be something really stupid like Red Dye #3. 

I am hopeful though. I talked with one of my mentors yesterday and it was pretty remarkable to notice the difference from where I was at the beginning of the year. 

Early Retirement suits me I think. 

Goals suit me.

God suits me. 

People don't. 

Everyone around me is enjoying their money, it seems. When will I?

I decided to use the next 10 days to washout of the dating apps with a plan to fully discontinue on Dec 15. I want the last 10 days before Jesus' Bday to be happy.

What I have learned is that when I do an act in a triggered state it does cause a lot more stress because I'm not thinking clearly and I find myself second-guessing myself afterward. So setting these established timelines help. Because when I approach the decision rationally and fully lucid, I don't second guess it as much. 

So questions to ask myself:

- Am I feeling triggered?

- Am I feeling rejected?

- Do I not care what the outcome is? 

If the answer is Yes, I need to stop. 

Other things

I've been thinking of going into the sneaker reselling game. A colleague is having a lot of success after doing it for a little over a year. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like my thing. I think having to be online all the time or being accessible is probably what's causing me some initial distress. 

I like to disconnect alot (or at least try to). So yeah, I guess that's the underlying issue.  So yeah, this isn't for me. Well that was easy. 

I did sign up for another credit card bonus. I don't typically like doing these because meeting that spend is hard but it's kind of fun trying to find creative ways to get it done. The internet is a sorcerer of secrets.  And I guess marketing is winning because one bank keeps sending me promotional emails for a $300 cash back for $900 spend. I already bank with them so it would be easier, I think. But $300 is a little low for $900. 

And I don't have anything big I need to purchase right now. So if I went the gift card route, I'd have to buy 2 gift cards and 2 money orders. It was kind of fun to see how much of it I could do just online but there are a lot of fees. It's not completely off the list, but I haven't found a straight path just yet. 

Still Happy

Like yesterday, I woke up happy! It's sunny! It's Christmas! I have some fun food to eat downstairs. It's Jesus' birthday month. Everyone should be happy!