So as you know, dating as a girl who is not the current standard of beauty has been soul-sucking to say the least. But for whatever reason, my heart is ready for love. Maybe because I'm just so close to FIRE, that I'm feeling untethered without a goal. Maybe it's because my loved ones died in 2020 leaving an open slot for love.
I feel capable of loving someone. I don't know if I'm ready to receive it as willingly as I'd like to be, but I'd like to try.
I obviously can't give up just because it's harder for me than a blonde woman. If that were the case, we all know where I'd be.
Anyway, because plans are therapeutic for me and greatly help with my general angst, I created one to try to turn my last match into my boyfriend. History: he asked me out for coffee before realizing I was long distance; once he found out said he wasn't trying to start anything long-distance. On the surface, it's a gentle no, but I decided to try to stoke that tiny ember since it wasn't a Hard No.
Here's the plan I wrote out this weekend:
Reminder to Self: Practice patience/ temperance. This is a long game. Be upbeat and positive.
Goal #1: Get to Google Voice messaging (i.e. off the app because I really wanted to be off dating apps/ dating altogether by now)
Goal #2: More Regular texting
2a: At least once a day
2b: More than one question/exchange a day
2c: Text throughout the day
Goal #3: Flirty texting
Goal #4: Get to more substantial texting. Get to know each other
Goal #5: Talking on the phone
Goal #6: Video chat (at least 3 "dates")
Goal #7: Meet in person
Goal #8: Date
Goal #9: Be boyfriend and girlfriend
Why a plan? Like I said, I'm an anxious wreck. I need a roadmap for most things in life. I also tend to jump the gun because I'm so sure of myself and what I want. And like most girls I know, when you meet a guy you're interested in you immediately start picturing what your life would look like with them. (Apparently, all they're thinking about is something entirely different. The rumor is true!!) But unlike most girls, I end up blurting it out or acting as though we are already engaged. Ugh. But as Paige from Winter House said it best, Why wouldn't you fall in love with me?
The plan is good too so I don't get discouraged when it feels like things aren't progressing as quickly as I would like (which I automatically round up to disinterest). And it will really help me temper the things I say because at this point I'm ready to be at Step #9 and he's barely told me I'm pretty.
In fact I already made a boo-boo and suggested we video chat before I even finished Step #1. So hopefully this will keep me in-check.
Update: I can say that as of Mon, Dec 20, 9a, Goal #1 is accomplished. We are officially texting off the app!!
On Japple
If you recall, Japple was the one I moved way too fast with and told him I wanted to be his wife. It actually was contextual but I think it was the wrong move. It made me get anxious and the conversations got really serious too quickly. Then I had a nightmare that he would be my domestic abuser. Anyway he unmatched me and because I'm a little crazy, I am trying to catfish him to see if I can get Carefree Kate to cajole him into giving crazy girls another chance. Yeah, it sounds just as crazy to read it as to write it.
It's actually been fun. He was the reason for the creation of Carefree Kate in the first place.
Anyway, I left him on 'read' for 2 days, and he surely double texted. The thing is I already know what he likes so I'm hitting homers.
This is the plan for him:
- Play hard to get (done!)
- Get him interested (done!)
- Get him to share some wild online dating stories (hopefully the one with MERJ is included)
- This is the part I'm not sure about..
- Reject him but in a way to get him to realize how good he had it with MERJ ??
- Figure out a way to justify MERJ's bad behavior and reframe it as endearing ??
Either way, I really need to be done by this week or the end of the year because I'm pretending to be home for the holidays which is why I can't meet up or possibly facetime. That excuse won't hold up long.
Really bad side note: I am Catfishing Dapple a little as well. It was originally to see if I could make anything out of his response times, i.e. will he respond quicker to a Blonde Girl. But now I think I might do some recon. Try to figure out what he likes and what he's into.
Now that you've been royally horrified, I'm going to go.
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