So it's 10p on Wed, Dec 15, 2021. Today at 9p was supposed to be my last day on the apps. I was supposed to write this post tomorrow but I know it will keep me up. So, here I am.
In a moment of lunacy, I created a second Hinge account on my phone. I used some blonde girl photos from Unsplash. I mostly just wanted to ... I don't know. I wanted to Catfish the guy I thought would be the One. Like all crazy girls before me... why not me?!
My experience was both comforting and sad at the same time.
Side note - I need to read more. I'm remembering bad blog writing and wanting to repeat it.
Anyway, as Carefree Kate the Hinge experience was immediately different. And here I was so concerned that the guys would immediately notice my pictures were from the internet. But here's the thing - when you fit the current standard of beauty even your red flags are beautiful.
As MERJ, I pored over online articles and Reddit and anything posted about dating - professional or anecdotal. I searched the deep recesses of my mind to curate content of other people's experiences. If I was to embark on this endeavor, I wanted to give it my best shot.
I even had a Bible verse to guide me. Love isn't an option. It is life itself. (Loosely translated by me from 1st Corinthians.)
Before my profile was even completed, I was fielding matches. I had 15 matches BEFORE I completed my profile. As MERJ, I haven't gotten a new match in a couple weeks. (And certainly none today after re-creating a new profile this morning.. over 12 hours ago!)
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| First 1 second as CareFree Kate |
In under 1 hour, I easily had 50 matches. I literally couldn't take it anymore. I didn't even know how to proceed.
I think in my 6 weeks in Seattle, I had maybe 30 matches TOTAL. And I thought that was good. Each time I created a new profile on Hinge even as myself, the first couple days were the most fruitful. I never experienced this level of matching.
I'd spent so much time crafting my Real Profile. Finding prompts and pictures that were engaging and would elicit a response. Totally unnecessary as Carefree Kate. Mind you Carefree Kate is a compilation of about 5 strangers on the internet. But the boys don't even care to notice. That's what happens when you're that beautiful.
I remember a recurring theme on Reddit was how annoyed guys are when you don't ask follow-up questions. I often don't agree with this because sometimes conversation is just commentary on what the other person is saying. It doesn't always have to be a volley of questions.
Anyway, this time with nothing to lose, I gave the hated one word answers and was naturally as aloof as possible. I made no comments on their profile. But they kept coming back for more.
One conversation, I literally just sent an "LOL" and a "great" to his lengthy messages and I got asked out immediately.
Being asked out immediately isn't that new because a lot of guys at least in Raleigh will ask for a phone number immediately or after a few simple exchanges will proffer a date.
But this felt different. This guy in particular wrote these long messages and my responses were so deliberately (on my part) so low effort and yet he still went for it with a long explanation as to why after my 2 1-word responses, he felt we should meet up. Wow.
Here I was pining for 2 lukewarm matches when CareFree Kate already has 50+ to choose from after just a few minutes.
Wow. I don't know if I was better off not knowing.
This isn't too surprising because I think the first time I tried online dating about 5 to 10 years ago, I only lasted a day or less because I thought I was amazing and no one was biting (confidence or self-esteem is not an issue for me) and thusly made another blonde profile to see if it would be different. It was - much of the same results as my 2021 Carefree Kate. I didn't stay long enough previously for it to fully register. Just confirmed some initial suspicions.
But after about 3 months of actively and intentionally trying to date this time around, this disparity hurts.
I was actually thinking, God tends to answer the hard prayers for me in two years if he answers them at all. So eventhough I wasn't willing to admit it, I was open to trying dating again in 2 years when I'm staving off age 40. But now I know I don't have to. There was a part of me who'd thought my experience in Seattle left a little room for hope and I might want to try again in March if there's a break in my work schedule. But now I don't have to.
I never have to wonder. It's a thing I already knew. It's like at this point my life is just a multi-disc broken record player of friendships, relationships, work hassles, life hassles, etc.
So as I silently believed, if you're fretting over not being interesting or putting enough effort or saying the wrong thing, you're wrong. You're just not pretty enough. There's nothing else you can do about it. You were on probation so even the slightest infraction was getting you struck off the list. You're just not pretty enough.
When you are pretty enough, you can get away with low effort, 1 word responses, and general lack of interest. You will be married in no time! No matter what guys say or how many myths they try to dispel - it's a universal fact we all know but try to soften to make life more tolerable. When you're pretty enough, not much else matters.
I saw it first hand in real life. I have been friends with plenty of Carefree Kates. One in particular has always been in a relationship ever since I've known her. She has trouble making girl friends and I think she thinks it's because girls are jealous of her, but it's really because she's led a low effort life in romantic relationships. That just doesn't fly in a friendship - not a female friendship. You have to try.
That truth is still steadfast in 2021 as it was 20 years ago when we were teenagers.
Other Observations in Seattle vs Raleigh
Seattle guys
- Definitely less abusive
- I experienced no propositions
- No one tried to get my number right away
- No bad behavior over all
- As for selection, lots of adventure seekers, wanderers, lots of people leaving their jobs to backpack around the world, lots of travel enthusiasts, lots of pilots, and lots of tech and educated people, lots of single guys in their 30s
- White guys never mentioned race
Raleigh
- Rednecks
- Most guys on there are in late 20s or 50s, at least the ones I matched with or that I was shown
- Anyone over 30 was assumed (correctly) to be with a few kids
- Lots of hunting and fishing
- Overall, not as adventurous
- Just regular plain guys
- More trades
- More military
- More rowdy behavior
- White guys Always mentioned race
I know I did my time because last night while in Seattle, Hinge told me I reached the end of available profiles that matched my search criteria.
I never got that exact message in Raleigh but I did delete and recreate my profile quite a few times when I first started because the behavior was so raunchy. And I really just kept being shown the same pictures and the same dozen or so guys would match me right away. Then nothing.
So I think for Hinge, if you don't find what you're looking for within the first few days or a couple weeks, the pickings are kinda slim. It's a long game after that. I don't think you would need to be on the app for more than a month unless you're CareFree Kate and need that long to actually go on ALL the dates you're being asked on.
Also, as CareFree Kate, I noticed the first 50 Matches were not guys I'd even been shown as Myself, so that tells me those guys definitely filtered out certain races. I personally find that to be racist (it's literally the definition of racism) eventhough everyone else in the world call it personal preference. (Heavy eyeroll).
Anyway, so MERJ, let this be a hard lesson that you've already learned but apparently need a refresher. You're not in this Death House by chance. You really tried your best to make all your dreams come true. All of them. And this consolation life was the one you shall live until literally Thy Kingdom Come. And it's okay. It's a great life because God is great.
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