I Made It to Maryland and An Update on Dapple and Japple (An Online Dating Story)

 Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? 

I made it to Maryland, friends! I got up a little before 5a on Tuesday and drove up. Yesterday I even kidnapped an old acquaintance and we drove up to Bethlehem, PA to visit Vegan Treats. Double yum!!

That was kind of spontaneous. Looks like I still have it in me. 

I easily dropped over $100 yesterday. It hurt my soul don't get me wrong but here we are. Luckily, I mentally bucketed $200 to this trip to Maryland. I just knew things were going to get out of hand. When I'm not in my controlled environment, I tend to lose track of everything.

Yes, MERJ, you function best in a controlled environment with predictable outcomes. I am my least anxious self when I can anticipate outcomes.

Anyway, it definitely confirmed why putting everything on a credit card to track expenses or collect travel points is not the strategy for me. Again, once I have that credit card in my hand, it's like the reins are loosened. I don't know what it is, but it surprises me every time!

So yes, I made it to Maryland and I didn't die. I think I need to remember that 3 days (away from home) is about the right number for me and trying to take big leaps obviously is not the right strategy, at least not this time. 

I've slept 2 nights and I'm not in respiratory distress. So that's a win, but I have a couple more nights yet, so don't count any chickens just yet. 

On Dapple and Japple

Japple - my catfishing plan honestly worked a little too well. Why can't I use my knowledge of humans to actually get a boyfriend?? I don't know. I posed the question about weird online dating stories and he surely brought up his interaction with me. Of course there was some creative license taken where he comes out the hero and I, the Raggedy Ann, dumped. I guess I forgot that people aren't always truthful so the responses I had prepared didn't quite fit.

I immediately wanted to unmatch and end the whole thing. It ruined my mood last night and I went to bed early only to wake up at 5a to check his messages.

After stewing and ruminating, I decided to stick around one more day. (So I've been saying for the last 23 days). I really want to be done with this before Christmas. So instead of immediately unmatching, I came back with a retort just to at least leave a seed of doubt. I mean, why not! Not quite the rejection I hoped, but it turns out my mercenary ways are not my default. 

Temperance helped in this case again. 

I at least get to feel heard in my distorted brain. 

So I think the plan is to send the text this morning as opposed to deleting him. Hopefully he'll respond before 9p tonight so I at least know he read the message. Then I either want to delete that profile or unmatch by tonight or tomorrow morning 9a at the latest. I really want to be done with this emotional disturbance before Christmas!

On Dapple

I'm a little disappointed I have to say. He essentially asked for a selfie, but I didn't comply. And in my mind that is why he didn't text me yesterday. So far we'd been on a 3-5 day streak of daily texts which was Step 2b. But now the streak has been broken. Maybe he went on a date? Oh well. I have to remember the long game.

My immediate plan was to delete my real MERJ profile (something I want do anyway but have been hanging on in case he wants to video chat sometime soon). I immediately sulked and now it's going to be in my mind all day because of the 3 hour time difference. 

I don't know what to do with him. I liked Catfishing him to get background information but since this is a long game, I think that might be mentally exhausting.

Also because of the broken streak and the acute emotional distress it caused I became even more certain that I needed to go app-free during shutdown week next week. If he does respond before I get back home, I want to send him a text to check back in in January. (Do I message him first? Yes, of course, I know my position in life.)

To keep hope alive, I might just push back the deletion of the app until Dec 31. Maybe I'll let him know so that there's no miscommunication for Mean Brain to get hung up on. 

Actually maybe I'll delete the app as MERJ and send him the text later. 

I've been hearing a voice in the back of my mind saying that my time for Love is 2 years from now. I want to listen to that voice.

I don't know, while I respect my long game plan,  I think I just want to be done by Christmas Eve. This whole thing was supposed to be done by Dec 1 but I've been holding on to hope for nothing. I want to enjoy God and Jesus the last few days of the year at least. 

Why would I forego time with The One who Loves Me with a bunch of randos who I've never met. That's just dumb.