Highlights and Lowlights

 It's that time of the year again! I just decided to be happy. It's going to be in the 70s for the rest of the week. Wheeee!

So I went to the laundromat. I really wanted to wash my uniform for the winter = grey sweatsuit. Since I went to the beach during my week off I wanted to get the COVID germs off of it. 

I didn't want to put too much thought into it, so I just gathered up my darks and went off. My brain was telling me something was off but I couldn't compute. I'd loaded 2 bags of trash to take to the dump since I was going to be out anyway. The dump is closed on Thursdays and I was half thinking today was still Wednesday.

So 2 bags of stinky trash found their way back to my house. Well and a bag of clean laundry. I love accomplishing simple tasks. I wanted a clean pair of sweats and now I have one!

I gave a Pecha Kucha (a fancy About Me) presentation today. My boss sent me an email thanking me for presenting. So that was nice because the other girl didn't do it! I'm not at that level of No yet.

I got my balance update today from my budget app. I'm about $3k away from reaching a stretch goal for this year. So that was nice. I thought I had met and surpassed the goal earlier this month (Nov) but I guess the market shifted. 

I just love clean, comfy clothes so I might still be riding on that high. Or just the high of the end of the year or the amazing weather. 

I had a 2nd virtual date with a guy yesterday that I thought I had a high capacity to love. I thought he was a protector/provider type but I think he's another Terrible. Are there any men that don't hate women? 

It's almost textbook at this point. How to tell:

- Mentions dominant/submissive roles in relationship

- Considers himself a traditional guy

- Strongly believes in men having leadership roles (read: control)

- Talks about family values (but doesn't want a family)

- Mentions intimacy high on his list

- Wants to see your full body within 2 virtual visits (I think for me it's just hard to know what's normal/acceptable behavior for guys vs what's been socialized/programmed)

- Thinks No means Try Harder

- Describes other guys as effeminate

- Generalizes women negatively (too aggressive, too independent, too high standards)

I learned there's a condition called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria which I, of course, think I 100% have! Basically when you're triggered by rejection and go into a bad place. Thoughts of self-harm come as quickly as they go. Ugh, yes! 

Imagine a Rejection Sensitive Person on a dating app. I literally about lost it, when someone unmatched me just because I lived in NC and had changed my parameters to Seattle.  I was ready to quit everything and hated everything and just wanted to go to that dark place. That's not normal. 

The way I get hung-up when my friends reject my ideas or they don't respond to my messages in a timely manner. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. 

Lingering Questions

- Do I ghost the New Terrible Guy? Do I wait 48 hours? Do I tell him what I feel? Am I being overreactive and self-protective? I already sort of grieved the loss between our Sunday date and Wed date. I'm fine without him. 

I want to get off the dating app, so I already mentally checked out by end of November and really a bit earlier by switching my location to halfway across the country but I think instead of Dec 31, I'm going to just do it Dec 15. So I have 10 days of happiness till Christmas and can enjoy the rest of the year! 

Toodles!