I just have to make it to 9p tomorrow

 I don't know what's going on with my mood. I tried all my old tricks. I had Kool Aid. I ate a chicken biscuit. I even had McDonald's and french fries for lunch. I had an "ice-cream" bar. I started my free Amazon Prim subscription to watch Harlem. But nothing is distracting me from this funk.

I was even messaging with a Hinge Match on and off for an hour or so. 

I updated a spreadsheet and everything. And I barely made it to 4p. It's 20 minutes till 5p and that's a bit of a relief. Just 2 hours until 7p then I can watch a movie mindlessly until 9p where I can fall asleep. 

I'm excited for Jan 1 but I know as soon as it comes I will cling mercilessly to this free time. So it's not that I'm excited to go back to work. No. I'm just ready for this mood to pass. 

I'm most excited for my financial goals. And I know I was clinging to the Love Raft because there's a lot of angst with what happens after FI, but I have to let it float away. There's a loose plan to maybe re-assess in March or after Q1 but I don't want to think too much about that.

I'm excited about my financial goals. I'm excited about new money moves. The minutia keeps changing but the general feeling of targets I want to hit is there. There's also this feeling of doom coming with it. Nothing I get that's good ever comes without a grey cloud to match. Nothing. I wonder what it will be. 

Ideally, I'd wait till the workday so I can have something to do during the day until work picks back up again, but I'm excited about Jan 1. I can get a jumpstart on some stuff.

Q1 is going to be a buzz with money moves. 

If all goes well, I want to adjust my 401k to max it out in the first 2 months of the year. I couldn't quite figure out the taxes if I do this so I don't think it will be totally maxed out after 4 paychecks, but I'll need money after that so I'll go back to just the 6% match...

Loose plans

Jan-Feb: 100% 401k contribution

Note to self: Officially/Unofficially declare yourself FIRE'd as of March 1 with whatever balance is in there (or technically whenever that Feb 28 check posts to 401k). 

March: 

Adjust 401k back to 6%

Start hoarding $30k for Year 1 post-FIRE. I'm calling it my FIRE In Case of Emergency Latch. I need a catchier phrase, but that's what I got for now.

If we get a bonus, priority is:

#1 Buy $10k Savings bond (yes, this counts toward $30k FIRE Latch)

#2 (considering) Fully Fund $6k Roth IRA for 2022 (this is new)

Note: I'm thinking of doing it this way, since my savings is going to be in fits and spurts and it's just habit to save for Roth IRA, so who knows. 

Other - buy something nice? expensive? Use it to fund FIRE Latch? Nah. 

Okay. I guess I hadn't thought that much about the bonus because it's bonus money so I don't like to think about it. So...let's do that -- not think about it!

So back to March.

I think just adjust 401k back to 6% to get match.

Adjust DD to live off $2500/mon.

Hoard the rest until get to $30k.

After FIRE Latch Fund is replete, then I think I'll resume the savings goals and allocations I set out for 2022. So back to regularly scheduled event. 

I think this is the final leg of the race for me. I don't know what's going to happen to me personally or professionally or any other -ly. 

But I know by 9p tomorrow, I will have lived 1 more year. I did it. The girl who cried for 2 years will have 1 more year under her belt. 

The 9p clock for tomorrow is just when I decided to get off Hinge for the last time. I want to go into 2022 not waking up at 5a to check a text from a boy!!!

I'm starting out the way I intend to go. I'm worth the freaking risk.  Getting off Hinge goes for me as MERJ and me as Catfish Kate.

I was concerned about the Hashbrown I'm talking to as MERJ who I was messaging this morning. Do I give him my number? Do I let him know it's my last day? Kate would never have to ask! Daily, people are bending over backwards to meet up with her. They treat her like she's the last glass of water in the desert. No stops pulled. I deserve that. 

So yeah, Mean Brain, don't try to trick me later ...like Hashbrown was the only man who I had a chance with. No dice, senorita! 

If I were Kate, he'd be trying to video call or regular call me. I wouldn't have to wonder what if for anything. Carefree Kates never have to wonder. 

As hurtful as it all is, this brings clarity. I never have to turn over another stone. NEVER! I don't think in any aspect of life, but especially dating. Guys make their intentions VERY clear for the girls they're interested in pursuing strongly. THEY do the compromising. They double-text. They are the ones left to wonder. 

I was prideful to think I could change the entire paradigm. I'm just no one's top-shelf girl and that's okay. I was no one's top-shelf employee either and I'm still getting to FI. 

Thanks, Kate, you've given me the tools I need to continue this solo life. I am worth the risk, just no one is betting on me. That's okay. It has to be okay, there's nothing I can do about it. 

I'm never staying on a dating app for 3 months ever again. If I ever get back on, I give myself 7 days, max. Kate had 100+ dates in 24 hours. I might even just do a Thursday to Sunday..in 10 years when these dumb feelings return. 

As long as none of these experiences come back to haunt me, I'm done with this portion of this movie. Change the channel!!

I just have to make it to 9p tomorrow.