May God Bless Your Journey (A Dating Story)

 I fell in love again with another online profile. This time our romance only lasted a week and it was fun! It's always fun. That dopamine rush... wow, I get it. 

I think I have been carnally physically attracted to 2 people in my life ever. He was number 2. I've never used the term masculine energy in my life but I felt it through a video call. He exuded it. I always fall in love with the words.

When I asked what he wanted in a partner, he messaged about mutual love and support. He wants to hold hands and prove that he's someone's one and only. 

Even if it were a line, it was the line my eyes and ears were dying to hear.

He playfully offered to cook for me when I mentioned only having waffles for dinner. Swoon.

A man that wants to cook for me and hold my hand, all I hear is I want to provide for and protect you. Double swoon.

So I said, I want to be your wife. Naturally, that scared him off and I won't hear from him again after our video date. I slept on it and knew it was risky to send the message, but I did it anyway.  Fortune favors the bold. This time, it was unfortunate, but I don't mind. 

I mean realistically, was I going to up and move to Seattle. I'd rather have it fizzle out on my own terms than be ghosted mysteriously. I never feel bad for making someone feel good. I know how good it feels to be that desired. That's why I do it. I know it's always too soon, but I like giving into my feelings. 

Being a little reflective, he did say it was too soon and it made it feel like I didn't take it seriously. He felt like it's something he's taken a lifetime to decide on and I just decided on it more recently. It's not true. We all know I've always wanted to fall in love.

But someone I casually saw once - one of the secrets of my past that I vehemently deny happening- mentioned something similar. He saw marrying me as risky because I gave off the feeling that I could leave anytime. Isn't that how everyone should feel? It should always be a choice. I don't want to feel like I can't leave. 

Anyway, to my most recent online love, may God bless your journey!