Feelings

 This weather is really bringing me down. I got up after 8a today because it was so dark and cold. Remember in summer when it was hard to stay asleep after 6a when the sun was beckoning me awake.

They say you don't need more sleep just because it's dark, but can someone tell my body that.  Can't we just move with nature. 

Feelings

- Co-worker being disagreeable makes me wonder if we are friends? Do we even get along? What do we have in common? 

- Co-worker making $10k more than me. Makes me feel like why do I even try? Her degree cost less than mine. 

- Racist Friend didn't call me back. How dare he? Why won't you love me? (Duh, he's a racist friend, dumb-dumb)

- Work is hard. Ugh, should I just quit? 

- No long lost love on the apps. Should I just give up now?

- What the heck is my budget for next year? Am I really quitting? If so when? 

- Weird creepy dream. Should I get off Ashley Madison app. Too many x-rated thoughts. 

- Seems like I'll "just" get to $450k this year. Is that now my FIRE number? When do I quit?

- What exactly is the plan here? 

- Do I give up on people? (Is there really any more to give up on?)

- Again, what exactly is the plan here?

That's the thing with feelings. Fighting them is hard. Giving into them is confusing because once the strong feelings dissipate, then what?

- Is this job too hard and mentally taxing? Should I find another job? Do I need another job? 

- Am I really ready to FIRE? Is anything ever as climactic as you think it would be? 

I think I want to FIRE by choice not circumstance or bad feelings. Is that too much to ask?

- Are these sad feelings weather-related or app-related. Should I get off the apps now or wait till end of year? Am I benefitting from being on the apps or just frustrated and rejected?

- What is next for me? 

Part of me is just inclined to ride this wave until the next speed bump. If the Dinosaur can hang on for 20 years, can I? How good do I actually have to be at this job? And how long is it supposed to take? 

I need some new goals, objectives, and direction.