I feel both nervous and excited about this trip

 Some of that nervousness is from the upcoming meeting I have to lead and just general anxiety about stakeholder reactions to my document.

But alas for the most part, I'm pretty excited to go back to Seattle. If I don't think too hard about outcomes, I'm not scared. I can't even verbalize what exactly I'm afraid of. Mostly, I'll be bored and sad and have wasted my money. Mostly, I won't go on any dates - either because I won't get asked or I won't build up the nerve. Or all my dates will be terrible. Or something bad will happen.

When did I get to be so fearful? 

There just aren't a whole lot of reasons to stay in NC, or so my Brain tells me. 

I was curious about how much to allow myself to spend on this trip and just these fantastical thoughts in general. You see, when I started my FI journey, my tactic was mostly find the least amount I needed to spend to live, and then save the rest. This year, I tried to reverse that, what's the least amount I need to save, and try to spend the rest.

That felt like too much spending, so I just upped my budget a little bit to a more comfortable $30k/yr spend.

But yesterday I had a new thought. I try not to think too hard about how much I actually save, lest I get complacent and too self-congratulatory, but yesterday when I was stuck on whether to go or not, I briefly considered, just how much would be a "good" amount to save given all the things. I realized, I essentially have/will have maxed out my 401k, so that's $20kish, then I bought an I-bond this year already, that's $10k; then I hoarded $15k in cash to top off my Year 1 and 2 FIRE money. So that's already about $45k saved. So I think that's pretty good.

So I decided, I'd be okay with reducing my aftertax from 24% down to 6%. That will match my current pre-tax and should get me to about $6k in aftertax for the year, just with some simple estimating. I picked $6k since that's the old Roth IRA target I'd hit if I were eligible to contribute. And after-tax conversions make this like a Roth anyway. 

So I still keep old habits - maxing out 401k and collecting company match; but then still get to play in this down market with a healthy after-tax contribution.

I think I could get comfortable there. 

I'm trying not to plan too much farther than this summer trip, but I think this monetary move will give me a bit more breathing room to juggle all these new expenses. 

The whole point of this exercise was to spend more and get some more last hurrahs in. It was easier to convince myself to get $12 burritos then $8k vacations let me tell you! 

I think I just have to get used to the fact that I'm not applying the most optimal cost-saving strategies here. That's just the nature of where I am as a traveler, spender, and human. Planning too far in advance builds up too much angst. So it's a psychological convenience fee to pay for last minute travel.