Oh Feelings, Lessons, and The Expected Dread

 As expected, I woke up this morning dreading my upcoming trip. I was half-hoping there would be a problem with my reservation and they would cancel it. I woke up thinking gosh, maybe I should have just stuck with my 2-week reservation at Hyatt. Kiss a few cute boys and more and call it a day. I could splice it together in post-production and call it a dream fulfilled. 

I even had some lingering hope when I opened my email and my balance on my travel card was only in the $3k range- which meant my $6k lodging hadn't posted!

It was a mix of emotions - a little bit of glee and a lot of worry. 

It turns out even though the statement closed on May 11 and the trip charge posted on May 11, the trip didn't get included on the May 11 statement. Yes!! Considering my credit card balance is $10k, I would not have been able to pay it all off by Jun 8!

Another sucker born. For a few weeks this year, I will actually be in credit card debt where I never thought I'd see myself again.

But boy am I glad the charges posted the way it did. That means I might have until like Jul 8 to pay off the lodging! Hallelujah!!

This feels awesome. 

I can pay back the money I borrowed from my House Fund and my heart can rest assured. It's not quite the 0% I would have hoped for but I should be able to scrape together funds to cover the whole balance even if the Hyatt credit doesn't post in time.

So for now, I'll pay the $1200 or so for the Airfare (yes, don't make me look!). And I technically have to cancel Hyatt by May 23 for a refund, so that should give it enough time to clear if I don't have to use it.

Yay, so actually I might prioritize just putting the House Money back just to ease my wary mind and just take it back out if I need to. That's better than carrying around the task as a mental burden.

I'm still going to use some Bill Pay savings to cover June's Bill Pay expenses just so I can have a nice cushion to play with in my Hub account. Right now it only has the $500 in there, and I don't like it looking so dry.

There's a lot of money moving around right now, so it'll be nice to take a break from this as well. 

So anyways, that was a bit of a load off. And then I got another fee potentially returned to me.

By the time I made it through the very busy McD's drive through, I was back to being semi-excited again. 

I think part of the dread is feeling like I missed the opportunity to makeout+ with the cute Iranian. He was who I had my eye on, but oh well. 

I don't know. Somehow I woke up this morning with some clarity. A committee member is having some family drama and when you watch these things from the outside it's easy to see it's all just a power play. (Something similar happened in the drive-through.) I don't need power. I don't need control. My mantra is still at play here - is this a threat to my physical, emotional, or financial security/stability. If no, carry on friend. 

The rest is just humans being confused. 

Even the issue I had with Blueground. I wanted to control the situation, the outcome, I wanted them to treat me the way "I deserved"...blah, blah, blah. Who cares. 

I had no right to give up on myself and my dreams because I ran into a pretty large snafoo. 

Life literally goes on. The rain stops whether or not you know why...whether or not you want it to.

It's funny that it's only been 3 weeks since Seattle. It feels a lot longer with all the mental anguish and turmoil I've been putting myself through. And for what? 

A very bite-sized dream?

I don't know if I'll get my excitement back, but I guess this trip is really happening. Now that I kind of don't want it to, I'm going to shout it from the mountain tops! Haha, silly humans.