Wednesday, May 11

 It's almost 9p. I've been in the office since about 7a. That's summer hours for you. I want to be brave enough to sign in at 7a and sign off at 3p. Maybe I will for Hot Girl Summer! 

Today was quite eventful. Had an early morning meeting and hemmed and hawed some more over summer travel. Blueground is like every boy I've ever stalked after being rejected. I went through all the feelings. Gross.

Relinquish that past.

Last night I booked 2 weeks at Hyatt Regency because it seemed like a good deal. I don't know though...it didn't sit well. Spending $6k on a vacation to downtown Seattle just seems silly, I guess. Or I think just not having fully recovered from not going on the trip I planned. 

Half of me was like F it, just spend the money and make the best of it. I think I kept trying to find a lesson or meaning in the series of unfortunate events. 

I don't know what it is yet.

A week later, I still spent all my free time trying to figure out how to find myself in Seattle. If it's going to be this hard to live that final Hot Girl Life, I think I just wanted to get some final smooches in. I wanted an intentional fling or spend money trying, you know.

This is Retirement Home. Before you leave me here at the old folks home, just let me live! 

Side note- an older stats person who transitioned to the writing team just went back to stats. We started around the same time! That affirmed a little bit that it's unlikely that this new gig is going to be super long-term gig. Which I'm okay with, and I don't have as much reason to feel bad that I didn't climb the career ladder. I think part of the next 2 years is just letting go of all notions of what a life, more specifically my life, would look like.

Some money moves.

I tried one more hospitality site to book lodging in Seattle - this time for 5 weeks. Who knows how much money I've spent at this point with all the cancellations. 

I'm trying not to think about it.

Getting caught up in all the optimization and leveraging definitely cost me more than it's saved. But them the breaks I guess. 

Anyway, so if all goes well, I have a booking for next week in an apartment. All on one card that is not 0% intro rate. That gave me pause for sure! My accounts are drained. I think I have $500 in regular savings. 

So it'll take me about 3 paychecks at a lower savings rate to get caught back up. Hopefully, I'll be back in the black again by the time I return. 

With only the future to look forward, looking backwards doesn't make as much sense. It's weird. There used to be a reason to look back, but now it seems pointless. Like, the end just seems imminent. Why waste even a minute looking backwards.

So yeah kids, I have a very pricey flight, backup hotel lodging at the Hyatt, and an apartment booked for 1 month on the same card. The credit cards got me - a sucker born every minute! 

I knew all this churning was going to catch up with me. 

This is money old me would have been siphoning to accounts given how down the markets are, but I'm letting that cash flow all the way out! 

I came here to talk about the trip. I less feel like the universe is sending me a sign and more - what the heck am I doing?! I'm not a hot girl! Why am I leaving my comfy house to go be alone in a whole other city! 

I think it's good though - if it sucks, I never have to wonder and that can be the last hurrah. If I want to visit anywhere else, it'll be a regular vacation. And if it sucks, it'll probably turn me off traveling for awhile, so hey unspent money is money saved. 

And if it's good - I get to do it again.

Given my luck, there's probably a third option I have yet to consider. (To make it easy, we'll say anything other than good-vibes-only = bad)

If this one gets cancelled, I'm not sure what I'll do with my back-up hotel. Feelings. 

The other good money thing I did was add MERJ 2.0 as an authorized user to my credit cards so that I can be able to apply for credit cards in her name in the future. These 2 years is also me transitioning from MERJ 1.0 to 2.0 fully in name on all my documents.