I'm spiraling

  I don't know why I'm having such a hard time dealing with today. Over a dumb boy. Feelings, I know you're trying to trick me and it's working.

I can't focus. I'm so distressed. I want to just go home. I'm so confused. What the actual heck is happening. I feel powerless. I want to control the outcome. 

I feel so many things that won't matter in a week. 

I just feel so close to getting the thing that I want and I'm still coming up short. I just don't get it!

I already know I'm not his secret love. He literally made me a booty call last night. So what the heck gives?!

What triggers me that makes me get to this point.

I have other pending dates. I really hope this does not set the tone for the trip.

I tried to distract and comfort myself and it's not working. I just want to fall asleep and want today to be over.

I paid $3 extra for a specialty burger that included bacon and avocado. I got neither. 

I think I just wish I felt like I didn't do anything wrong.

Why did this thing that was supposed to be so easy make me feel so silly.

I just want it to be over.

All I want is to meetup once more and then I can move on. 

I don't want to have to wait the whole summer for it though. I want this to be over with. I'm trying to hang in there, but I don't know how much longer I can. 

I really hope it doesn't take all summer. Not 6 weeks, or 5. 

I'm not going to put up a fight; I'm just going to be a dude and go straight for it.

So much for paling around all summer. So much for a cute summer romance. I was so excited, and now this!

I did so many things right - I didn't bring up any future summer trips; I was responsive and positive. I didn't give my real number. I didn't double text or double message.

Sigh.

I hate waiting!