Goodbye, Love! Hello, Life.

 So yeah. I just couldn't take it anymore. I deleted Hinge for the last time. It doesn't spark joy, and the distraction isn't worth it. Dapple is just a shadow of a prospect at this point, so that is pretty much done as well. 

It was fun...sort of? Not everyone gets to fall in love and live happily ever after. And that's okay. I'll be able to watch romance movies again and just enjoy them as works of fantasy-fiction as intended. 

Superheroes don't exist. 

I actually think I might bring over a relative from overseas. From my understanding, if I wanted to adopt her I'd need to do that before she turned 16. She turns 16 in Aug 2023.

That's way too soon. 

But we'll see. I don't want to probe around my family too much because that just about locks me in. This may be what I want to do or should do or it could just be me looking for my next goal.

I think "dating" has taught me that I'm more goal-oriented than I thought. I am just so used to working towards something that I feel adrift and anxious when I'm not. Maybe it's a paradigm I have to shift or maybe that's how I'm hard wired. 

I think dating was just filling that missing goal-shaped hole now that FIRE is pretty much done. Remember, I casually decided that whatever number I was at at the end of 2020 would be my FIRE number.

I tried different tactics to "achieve" dating, but it's just not much I can do to control the outcome. It's the gate keeper job of all gate keepers. It's like trying to pursue a creative career. I know myself, I can't do jobs like that and not lose my mind. 

I'm more of an arranged marriage kind of girl. Oh well. 

So, likely this guardianship pursuit is likely another shaky endeavor. I hope to get over it soon.

So I don't know what's next.