More morning tears. I think it's struggle and overwhelm this time. I just wonder like...is this experiment going to work? But the scientist in me kind of wants to see it through. It almost feels like a reality show without the cameras. This I can get behind.
But when I was tearing up, I did feel like - do I really know how to make friends anymore? Are there friends to be made? I just lost my last 'friend.' So, it just makes me feel really uncertain.
It's been years since I had a genuine connection with anyone. At least 8. I don't want to reflect on my NC time before then. It's hard to see any good right now in the time I spent with Toxic Boyfriend.
Anyway, I thought I'd come on here to document, but sitting up and just being present for the day has taken away some of the feelings threatening to undo me.
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