New bed, can't sleep

 So Day 1 of socializing with work colleagues out of the way. I don't think I said anything too detrimental. I left the window open so I have the bright lights of the outdoor entertainment area keeping me up. Wow, someone is out for a jog at 4:30a!

Couple of things.

I think standing apart from it, I don't need to let these superficial conversations challenge or impact any of my world views. They are standalone and separate from me. This ties into my theme from my last post of accommodating others. I historically put too much weight on conversations like these - that likely no one remembers. I think when I thought I was plugged into this Giant Life Machine and all are actions mattered, it felt like ...well just that...every thought, word, action mattered. So I thought I had to say the right thing or do the next right action. 

But, I don't!

I was hoping one our project leads had a secret crush on me. But he paid a lot of attention to the Scandinavian girl as he called her. And I'm surprisingly okay with it. Not in a woe, this is my lot in life (even though it is). But just that it just is. No judgement. I recognize a desire for connection and unfortunately, it wasn't with that guy. 

But as with large groups of strangers, there was talk of kids and partners and pets, of which I have none. And tonight I was ruminating on my very impactful stance on it that I could verbalize the next time I'm asked. But for what reason? No one is going to remember me after this conversation. 

But that's still a work in progress as I figure out my place in The Machine. 

When everyone was developing their nurture gene, I was too busy surviving. I think I've just been stuck in survival mode until recently. Recently being my acquaintance with mid-life. So yeah, my life looks different than 85% of the population (actual statistic). 

Some thoughts I had... almost in rebuttal to the unspoken thoughts of others .. can you imagine putting in all the energy to do your day job and being remunerated in affection. That's a raw deal. There's so much talk about work-life balance. And being paid a fair wage. But what does that look like in parenthood and wifehood. I guess, it doesn't apply because those things are not essential. Lifestyle choices to me.

Next up...

Maryland Aunty - unprompted by me signed up for a Truist Bank Bonus! I loved that!

And then quite unexpectedly I might add..Dan messaged me about CD interest rates. I was blessedly distracted with travel and work stuff so didn't get to obsess. I am still deleting his messages after I send them, so there's that. But now I filter through what I'm doing...Fantasy Brain wants a connection...is a guy who vocalized he doesn't want to be with you a worthwhile pursuit? Me thinks not. 

So I'm trying to navigate what I want to do there. I do still like talking about money though! But I'll have to leave that for another day.

The biggest news, despite my fear and anxious feelings - Offerpad renewed their offer on schedule AND it increased to the exact number I was looking for! 

I do remember loosely being like, if they offer me what I want, I would be tempted to take it. This was before I decided to move up my sell date. So yeah, this is happening. And luckily there is a bit of a timeline (although we both know they are persistent). 

So while my decision day and task day is Tuesday, I might make an exception since Tuesday was also a hectic day due to work travel. So I have until Saturday to accept the current offer. I will actually need to produce work this weekend. Although I'm hoping to knock out most of it somehow before the weekend.

So I'm not sure when I'll have time to accept this offer, but I hope I do it soon. To be clear, I'm definitely going to accept it, just not sure when I'll have the mental time to enjoy and savor the moment vs just clicking through.  I mostly want to get work stuff out of the way first. 

Anyway, that's the end of my exciting news!

Oh, one more thing, should I even bother to ask for the extra $500 since I'm not doing a local move with OfferPad.

Oh another thing, it looks like I settled on a lawyer that takes my Legal Plan. I am going to have to drive 1 million miles to get there though which will be quite inconvenient. And preliminary looks...seems like I'll probably end up in a landing in another part of NC when I move out just because that will be easier it seems. 

As for work...maybe it'll be easier to do 1 hour a day of the very tedious task and find a groove. I think today, I might just stay after the meeting is over and leave from work to the restaurant. That'll give me 2 hours of time.