More tailwind, please!

 In the mental emotional plea I want to make to Dan is just please take care of me! I'm realizing without the support I need,  I can do about 70% of most things. 

I need some support for the rest. Even if it's just someone to hold my hand, check on me, provide some accountability, be there to catch me if I fall. Like that would help me with the remaining 30%.

Without it, I just kind of lose steam.

Like I can get myself to Philadelphia. But thinking through activities, getting out of the house, eating, just gets overwhelming and I make the simplest choice which is often no choice at all. 

Same with getting my taxes done and getting a house cleaner and even maintaining a home. It's all a cry for help. But like real help. 

There's too much competing with my thoughts without enough 'skinny feels' to lighten the mental load. 

That's pretty much the gist of it.

Oh, one of the episodes I re-listened to from Friends on Fire was about setting boundaries. I more so liked Mike's take on his perfect white American male life where everything worked out. Anyway, he said it was easy for him to say no because he knew there would be future opportunities to do something fun or there was an essential obligation he would need to take care of for his family. So he had the confidence to say know because of knowable future opportunities. Maggie also posited that in contrast to her, he also had a lot of attention growing up. I think people who are advantaged in many ways just don't know how much it sets them up for a healthier future. Just even having the confidence to know that things get better would make my load a lot lighter. But things don't get better for me. They just get harder, and I find I have less stamina to deal with it.

There was some boys club conversation happening at one of the team dinner and it was just so off putting. How lucky men must be - all they have to do is work. Can you imagine if at work you had to clean the bathrooms, make the food in the cafeteria, manage the workers who do all the maintenance, support, and all the support staff and contracts plus the actual job you were hired for.

I think I would benefit a lot from not ruminating over conversations that other people have long forgotten.