Mon, Sep 19, 2022 All the fun

 I was so busy the weekend, I forgot to cancel my Hello Fresh box. I took pictures and even though I don't have anyone to share them with, I still took them!

I was thinking of texting some of my old people since I'm having so much fun without them, but abandoned that idea after getting a lukewarm shoulder from a committee member. Oh well!

I feel like I'm living a bit of a double life. I've been in Seattle for a week and I've done all the things. Well since you're my friend, Blog, I'll just tell you.

I went to the fair yesterday. It was supposed to be a 3 hour affair, and ended up lasting about 8. I left shortly before 12noon and got back around 8p. I rode the giant slide twice and hung out with a queer group. I don't even know what queer means. I got home, washed my face and went to bed. 

I forgot to cancel Hello Fresh because by the time it got here Friday, I think I was on my way somewhere else or just out of it! I can't remember now. 

So I didn't touch my computer much from after work Friday until this morning when I had to log back into work.

I feel like I'm lying to people as they start making plans for the Nov/Dec time frame and I know I'm not going to be here! But maybe I can be? 

I'm glad dating wasn't my focus because I'm not getting many matches that want to do anything off the app. I'm glad I got to try cuffing season though. 

I am learning to be more quiet even in the midst of big crowds. I used to feel a lot of pressure to fill the silences but now I just try to take the pulse of the group and disappear in the crowd. 

So let's see, friend. I also decided, why am I chasing people down people to be my friend when there are other people trying to be my friend. Having choices definitely helps with confidence. 

Well today started out stressful at work because I'm still a bit lost with this reference list I'm supposed to be coordinating, but luckily I was able to get some support. I think that's really all I have left to do for this document. I feel a bit bad because the document lead is feeling overwhelmed. I normally would be trying to help but I tried that once and I really couldn't help her. It just feels weird to not be able to offer.

Ok, focus

So Sunday I spent all day at the fair. I rode 2 rides and played 3 games. I had an elephant ear, curly fries, cotton candy and a giant strawberry lemonade. If I'd been with a good friend or a partner, we probably could have split all those things. I don't even want to know how much I spent.

On Saturday, I spent all day with a group on San Juan Islands. A couple were already thinking about their retirement plans and what later life looks like with their love of travel.

While I want to move, I'm still toying with the idea of just incorporating more time in Seattle. What if I just do 5 or so months next year vs moving altogether. I don't know. 

It's way more fun to kind of live the fantasy here than think of making a life here. Can I really see myself cooking and socializing full time? It's hard not to want to plan the rest of my life or even the rest of this year. It's especially hard not to think about it when you're making new friends and being asked a lot of questions. 

I mean, why did I move here? To chase boys, then to run away from the well of despair.

...

At least 2 hours have passed since I started writing this and now I've lost my train of thought.

I just want to eat some chicken and bread and watch TV!