Tues, Sep 13, 2022

 Well, its another day folks. I checked my symptom tracker and it's at a 1 or 2. Not looking at it currently. I may have to adjust it to account for long standing moods. Right now, it's kind of 'point-of-care.'

At the time I took it, I felt fine because I was mid-work. So obviously, my mind wasn't focused on the cluster-flock that is The Rest of My Life.

Obviously, the solution isn't to be working all the time.

I do not mind short periods of intense work followed by rest. That's why I'm looking forward to my October break.

A committee member just got some bad news about a lousy partner. So is the fate of another black woman. When I look back at all my praying aunties, God did not "bless" not one of them with the love I'm looking for or the kind of partner I would want.

I was thinking maybe that's why financial instability is such a non-starter for me. My unspoken position has always been if I have to work, then I don't need to be married. It changed a little when emotional support became my focus. But even then, without saying it, I realized those candidates had to have some sort of "good job."

But yeah the realization came today that all these faithful women did not get blessed with my idea of a good partner. But maybe they didn't pray for it? Should they have to?

It is completely within the realm of possibility that the life I want doesn't exist, which again begs the question - then what am I doing still living?

But we are trying not to entertain thoughts of death while I live in Seattle Fantasy. This weather is amazing. I love being able to sleep with the window open. That being said, there are a lot of city noises. Which I still don't know where they're coming from. For now, it doesn't bother me. 

Being busy with work has certainly helped.

Today I hope to accomplish a few things

- Brush my teeth

- Go for a walk around the lake

- Clean off the stove

- Go to Karaoke