Thurs, Sep 29, 2022, Dear God

 Dear God,

I pray one last prayer to you. I pray for pure perfect love. I pray for a partner to love and care for me. To never betray my trust. To love me until the day I die. It's my one final prayer, my one final prayer for a miracle. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm so vulnerable with all my finances and emotional distress. But sometimes I pray. It doesn't work anymore for some reason. So I don't pray much anymore. But I'll watch something or see something that reminds me that the last thing I would like to experience on earth is romantic love. And maybe it's not real because I usually only feel this way when I read romance novels or see romantic love on tv (which is pure fiction). So what I knew when I was in middle school is probably still true - romantic love is pure fiction. What I'm looking for does not exist. Oh well.

I guess I live for the fantasy. But I live, so that counts for something.

I finally have a day or two to myself and it feels awesome.

I don't even feel like flicking through Meetup for events. 

I just cooked a pork and savory sweet potato dish and it was tasty. I thought the green beans would taste better but they didn't. I'm always afraid of over salting things. Veggies need a lot of salt. I realized I really love savory sweet potatoes, especially roasted. 

Cooking in this beautiful kitchen with all the kitchenware is so much fun. 

Even though I don't always feel like doing it everyday, it feels fun to do it.

The meal kits were my best idea yet!

Oh, I looked at my recent transactions and saw my over-charged Hello Fresh kit, and when I put the price of the 2 boxes together, it helped to soothe the expense of the 2nd extra box. 

Oh well. 

Yesterday I did a little exercise to see how I'm going to pay off this credit card bill. At first I thought I would be living paycheck to paycheck to pay it off, but I had about $10k to play with AFTER my basic expenses are met.

It's still weird spending so much. It feels indulgent and decadent.

I even had a chat with a personal colleague about budgeting because I needed a refresher. She essentially keeps a ledger, like balancing your checkbook as a spreadsheet and updates it a couple times a month.

I already know I can't engage with my finances monthly- it starts to feel like a chore and it affects my mood. 

But anyway.

Oh something I was reading online called their version of "fun money" ..."lifestyle expenses." So I think I might change my pot of Seattle Money... to my Lifestyle Fund. I've been looking for a fun name for next year.

I'm also curious to see if my payroll deposit of $5 will make it to my new bank with my old name.