FIRE Saved My Life!

 That was just a sensational headline. The premise is that my life was worth saving, which obviously I don't believe. Well saving, I guess, but worth living- I think not.

I think what I'm trying to say that if it weren't for both pursuing FIRE and achieving it, I would have been much closer to ending my life than I ever was. Considering how over the last 2 years or so I've just been toggling with my death date just to cope with living and how close I came with the pistol permit and all, I think I would have been one step closer to not being on earth.

The reason I think the pursuit helped to prolong my life is because it gave me something to achieve, to work towards, to look forward to. It added just one more milestone in this game. And having achieved it with no reasonable heirs, I couldn't dare leave all that hard work (ie, dollars) to my silly brother. 

So I'm living to spite him(?) or my own self, and he doesn't even know it. Oh, the games we play.

I can't go to church anymore because it sets me up for false hope. I don't know what life looks like after this year or 2023. 

I don't know what the next 40 looks like. This used to be very scary, now it's just slightly less scary. It feels less scary because I was so afraid of making the wrong choice and living essentially the life I just lived the last 40 years of twists and turns and SO MUCH DISAPPOINTMENT.

I'm my own protector. I'm my own fantasy. I'm my own decision maker. I'm the only person who is going to love and take care of me and physically, emotionally, and financially support me. That sucks, but at least I can stop looking.

I'm committed to the soft-life (vs the hard life) for as much as humanly possible. I'm committed to the easy choices, the short explanations, and the simplest solutions. I'm committed to things and people that make the most sense for wherever I am in life.

As you know, I have to affirm and re-affirm decisions over and over in my head until it sticks.

I think I'll still keep my focus on Seattle and stateside for next year. Partly because it's easy, I want to do it in a practiced way, and I want to stay stateside just a little while longer.

The things I'm most sure about is definitely maxing out my 401k and frontloading it in the beginning of the year. 

I'm mostly sure about spending May to October in Seattle. 

That'll be more confirmed after I spend this October in Seattle. 

I'm mostly sure about sticking with the short term rental companies vs AirBnB or some other housing option.

I was thinking today that if I get the choice, I want to pick projects that are more Eastern time vs UK time. Those early wake-ups are tough in NC, and even tougher in PST. 

But depending on my projects and sleep routine, I may click about for some more time-preferred locales.

Even if I didn't immediately take to walking in the park daily, I don't want to be stuck in the middle of a concrete jungle with no open free spaces. Not yet, not right now. 

That being said, I am looking at living part of the time in downtown next year. It doesn't really make sense, but I just like the idea of it I guess. I liked the hustle and bustle of it and then hunkering down in my apartment to escape. 

I'm looking forward to October because it should be getting darker and cooler. I'm looking forward to having those 3 weeks off work and being alone with no structure of work. How will I cope? I'm also looking forward to that last week where it will be cooler and darker and I'll have to wake up early again for work and see what that feels like. 

Although I'm no longer looking at living in Seattle full time, it's still a variable I want data on. 

So there we have it, we have the last quarter of the year upon us! Can you believe it! 

I wish I had a good metric of where I started but looking at old posts most certainly will bring me down.

Maybe later today or this weekend I'll fuss around a bit with more budgets and reflections.