Yeah, last night Feelings was acting up again. I deleted the contact on my phone. I stopped forwarding messages to my main email. I deleted the chat history. I no longer have his contact information. I'll momentarily add the contact when we're actively chatting so that brain doesn't memorize the phone number. But I will only permanently store the number once he is my boyfriend. After every chat, I have to delete it. That's the only way I can do this.
That's okay. I'm a big girl. I'll continue to update you guys on our interactions just to have something to do with it. Fodder for the blog is the best place to dispose of Feelings.
I also wrote some notes for my next therapy meeting. Yes, I tried therapy because it's all the rage. This is my third attempt, so using my rule of 3, this is not for me. I'm just looking for actionable solutions instead of referrals for more therapy.
I need something to do now. What do I do with my life? Can you give me some dating/ relationship advice?
This time the big therapy words came out - anxious attachment, fear of abandonment.
Look, just tell me is it normal to go 2 weeks without talking to a girl you allegedly like? I mean, it feels like a yes or no question.
Do I cut communication or not?
I think July is just going to be a bummer summer (as opposed to a not bummer summer). Oh well. We already determined, I'm at my worst when I'm trying to make my life remarkably better. So I'm not doing that. I'm committing to moping around all July. Oh well.
I'm not going to the child's birthday party this weekend. The baby shower the next. The company picnic, or any nature walks when the temperature is above 70 degrees. I don't know if I'll go to the Food Bank events. I don't really want to in this moment.
Bummer Summer, bring it on!
I'm excited for my ring.
Dude, can we celebrate the fact that I lived 6 more months!! Heck, yes!
Jettison regrets!
Life just is.
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