My therapist mentioned it and it really resonated with me. Seems obvious and maybe I know it on an intellectual level, but it all seems so obvious and evident.
I was just really disappointed about how I'm still trying to connect with Dan. And she was like, maybe you just wanted some attention, some time, energy. Yes, yes, yes!
Maybe I'm looking for love. I don't know that I've fully realized or verbalized that. Or if I have, I've forgotten.
It just seemed to make a lot of sense because I was trying to figure out a couple things:
- how to apply lessons from the College Debacle
- what my life is going to look like (what I'm trying achieve)
I'm looking for love. So if I'm applying the lessons from 2001, I can begin to appreciate that Love isn't going to look like the fantasy but that's the underlying motive. It rings true. It's going to look different, but I hope I can recognize it.
The phrase Love Potluck comes to mind. This is actually a dating event, but I'm going to apply it to my life.
With a 97% failure rate for the Romantic Fantasy Love I imagined, it's virtually guaranteed that any love I experience in the future is going to look completely different than I envisioned. So that makes it hard and scary and might be harder to recognize. But somehow, maybe a little exciting because I know the outcome... in so far as what it's not. Like I can stop wanting this thing because it doesn't exist, you know.
It might be some friends. It might be a community. It might be scary old white people. It might be short-term love. It might be fleeting. It might be superficial. It's scary, but wait and see!
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