Why Can't I Just Be Happy? + Engineering My Layoff

 Why can't I just say I love it! It's great! You did a great job! Whether I mean it or not. I think because I don't want to be responsible for that in the end. I know no one else seems to be held accountable to those types of responses but somehow I know I will be. 

Just prostitute yourself for this company so they can keep paying you this money. What is your problem li'l girl!! 

Ahhhh I can't! Maybe I just need to give myself time to uncover this part of myself. 

So the program I was hired to manage, I'm essentially engineering my own layoff. But not the good way. Today I was tasked with coming up with a proposal of what the program will look like when half of it ends and is restructured into an existing team. Errr. 

The reason this is concerning is when they ousted the last Director they did it in a backhanded way. No, I'm not a director, but it's a data point that they like to do things in a backhanded way. And time and time again my manager has shown she likes for me to guess what the next step is. So these are the moments I reach out to internal recruiters. 

I'm just too tired and out of sorts to do that right now. 

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