The task I was semi-dreading, ok mostly dreading this week is complete. And here I am still on my computer. I cheated a little and just picked random calls instead of looking for a particular person or type of call.
I did my minimum 2 calls. Maybe if I were getting a bigger bonus I would do 4, but I have no faith in that.
I'm on the fence about my job. I put in 2 applications to external places, and I'm still deciding about setting up an informal interview for a job that I'm not quite qualified for. I don't want to jump into another job I can't excel at. Ugh.
But it is VERY apparent that the perception of how well I'm doing my job is solely based on my relationship with my boss not any actual work product. I don't love how tenuous that is.
I just hate the fumbling. I don't see myself ever getting to a place where a mistake happens and I don't think I'm on the chopping block. I don't have the level of privilege. It's mostly just a gamble at this point.
Will any of my actions lead to a hostile work environment or my termination within the next 2 years. Honestly, I think if I can manage to stay under the radar, be agreeable, question nothing, accept everything, I can tread water for the next 2 years. 1 Year of COVID will certainly help.
Plus, it's not as though just because I apply to a job internally or externally, something will happen. Internally, I probably should wait for a job I'm more of a shoe-in for. But I will still continue to reach out to recruiters. I will probably still apply externally.
Internally, I do want something more technical and more objective, if I had the choice.
Side note - I think my buddy has just joined the churn game now that bonus time is near. She's definitely the most responsive she's ever been and is actually producing work product that is visible to our manager.
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