Counting all my chickens and reframing the narrative

 So as you know by now, I spend a lot of weekends with my spreadsheets or my calculator trying to figure out if I can shave just one more minute off the time to leaving the workplace.

And lately with the internal turmoil going on at work, I've been contemplating a new job - either internally or externally. But at what cost? I took this job to get off the phones and to make more money. I try not to remember how much money I make just what my spending targets are. I do this because I have an emotional reaction if I think too much about money. 

When there is conflict at work or I feel insecure about an outcome, I almost always want to leave. When things right themselves again or my manager makes light of a situation I thought was heavy, I feel okay to stay. I imagine it shouldn't be like that but I can't tell what's real and what is distorted perception because my Brain plays tricks on me. 

Either way, I'm pretty target-oriented. So obviously my job isn't so terrible that I would quit without anything lined up. It's not that, and I'm grateful. So I've been trying to set some inflection points and some monetary targets as well.

Informally, I'd thought my next base salary target was $135k and if I really had a fancy title and some quantifiable level of responsibility then $150k.

When I did some casual searches online for jobs, I saw some of my previous positions pop up. Would I really go back to $40/hr (Call Center #1) or $100k annually (Call Center #2)?? When things are not going my way, I certainly romanticized Call Center #2. I mean I babysat the lines enough of the time and it was just as disorganized as this.  And with an 8% bonus, I'd be at $108k/yr. With a 6% 401k match on base, that would put me at up to $114k/yr in total compensation.  

When I compare that to my current base salary of $120k/yr it's no wonder my brain is considering the switch back to regain some sanity. 

I think because I don't readily see the effects of my salary, I tend not to fully appreciate it.  But I also don't want to be beholden to the salary either. 

Anyway this morning, I finally calculated what my total compensation could be if I lasted a whole year. I hate to do this because enough of the time, things just don't work out the way I planned. Case in point, at Call Center #2 they stopped doing the 401k match halfway through the year. So while I may not budget for "extras," my Brain finally decided to calculate what I could potentially be leaving on the table with my next move.  Money is the goal here, so can I muster through whatever the "corporate code" is to get to my FI goals?? 

Well as of 7:41am, the answer was rounded to yes, if I had to. 

Base salary is $120k. Target bonus is 17.5% and company 401k match is 6%.  When I do the math, $120k x 1.235 = $148,200. That's an insane amount of money! It's actually exactly 30% of total compensation from Call Center #2.  I can't believe I've never done the math before. 

So yes if I'm required to keep my head down, don't ruffle any feathers, kiss all the rings, be happy and likeable and even try to memorize a few more processes, I can do that! 

I say that but I know by Monday morning, I'll be wondering if I make more than my other teammates. I really just want to know. Because I want to be greedy and ask for more. I spent a lot of money on my degree, and I want to be compensated for it. I have more experience in this field than my other 3 teammates, and I want to be compensated for it.

I just really want to know. I'm afraid to ask the other manager because if I do make more money than her, than I feel like she'd be salty. I would actually be okay with her making a little more than me. Okay, maybe not, but still. I mostly want to know if the white man who's a level below me is making an amount far less than me. Like ..I want him to not even be in the six figures, but this company tends to start high and when I screened for his role, I asked for the same salary I'm making now. 

I mostly want some guidelines to adjust my effort since this a soft skills game. 

So yes, now I almost feel like the next role needs to start at $150k base salary, especially if I'm looking externally.