Money vs God

 Been thinking more about this magical element of life that I so desperately wanted to believe in. Also how God is often juxtaposed with money. As if you can only have one or the other. Well, for now I choose money.

Money is tangible and consistent and I'm not left wondering. When I go to the grocery and an apple costs $1, I know if I have $1 in my wallet. I don't have to wonder if I have enough faith to purchase the apple. 

Maybe that's why I've glommed onto FIRE. It's tangible; it's achievable; it's transactional. My $1 doesn't wake up one day and decides it doesn't have feelings for me anymore. It doesn't equal 95 cents one day and 3 cents the next day.

A dollar is always a dollar whether the sun is out or it's rainy. 

I don't have to guess what it means or what it's talking about. I don't have to consider it's feelings. I don't have to wonder why it's talking to me that way.

I think that's why I love personal finance. 

It's the people that make me crazy. It's the clerks, your friends, your family, the people you have to relate to that have all these unexpected responses.

I can like someone, and they can just not like me. Or I can be nice to someone and they can be mean to me. I can call someone and they cannot call me back. It's these asynchronous patterns that just throw me for a loop and for whatever reason my brain can't handle. 

I think giving up on magic has been the best thing for me thus far. When I stop asking if this is all there is, and I stop looking for a bigger reason or a bigger picture I can resolve things faster. 

I noticed I can recover faster with hiccups at work. I think largely due to my FIRE safety net. Ok, it's due to my FIRE safety net. But also, just a lack of a bigger picture. 

This is all there is. There is no magical meaning. No magical outcome. 

My uncle died from essentially aspirating on his own vomit from being drunk. And that's just how he lived and died. There was no magical reason that he married, had kids, and cheated on my aunt. Or married another woman; moved to another country and had a girlfriend. Had a few kids that he never checked in on.

There's no magical reason why they were born.  It's just science.

I actually re-read my dad's obituary recently, and it looks as though there were 2 kids between me and my younger brother. I didn't know that. Who do I even ask to confirm?