Last night
Was actually ruminating on different drafts to my HS friend. Wanted to disingenuously invite her to my Nashville trip since she just happened to mention wanting to go on a weekend trip. I'd mentioned it... (after checking my email)...Sep 2022. And then promptly written it off. This doesn't hurt my feelings anymore because I've kind of restarted my life...or at least in the process of restarting my life. FIRE was the reset point...but it's still a bit undefined.
This morning I sent the email just saying hey I'll be in Nashville, feel free to stop by. Those are all facts.
Actually this morning when I woke up I remembered she has 2 young kids = cooties. So now I'm kind of hoping it doesn't work out. Quick mental math told me it's very unlikely a mom of 2 young kids will be able to spontaneously go away for a weekend.
Work stuff
Actually my document has been moved off my plate!!!!!!!! I'm free. I had a high level of confidence I'd be able to get it out the door by 1p my time and that was why I was kind of thinking it'd be #morefun to leave for Nashville today. But in the end, it worked out. Better to have the extra time and not need it than the other way around. I felt calmer yesterday and I think that was a direct result of not leaving until Wed.
Nashville
What has helped to sustain some level of excitement is that I found 3 eating places and an ice cream place with dairy free options.
My loose plan is to eat out first when I get there and then try to get a low priced meal kit for next week. Mostly because I like the idea of the vacation house. This is just my Nashville house. So I'll be a little bit of a tourist, but this is just an extended weekend away, so life is as normal.
I got really excited about the barbecue. Mmmmm ribs. I even went so far as to pick out what I wanted (and of course find the best deal cost wise). I love looking at menus before hand so I can daydream about all the options. Thanks, internet!
But that being said, I did wake up a little anxious today and was starting to feel some dread about the trip. I don't really know why that happens anymore. So I'm glad I did just go ahead and book it just 2 days in advance.
But all in all, I'm excited to get away. Tomorrow I get to decide if I want to get my hair done.
Side note: I fantasized about sending a picture of ribs to Dan because we'd bonded a bit about that. But #achievableoutcomesonly. This is my weekend away, not my scarred for life getaway. Sheesh. But it's good to be able to call it out. My feelings are still trying to dupe me!
Man it's amazing to have that last doc off my plate, and I didn't have to interact with anyone!!!!!!!!!
Luxury Travel
One of the many things leading to my hesitancy with booking this totally non-essential trip is the cost. Yes, I technically budgeted for $20k for travel this year with the plan to spend about 4 months away from home. But apart of me just wonders if after 5 years having spent $100k if I'll regret not saving that money and moving into a nicer place.
Some thoughts:
- My low cost of living now is what affords me to spend $20k on luxury travel
- Everything after FIRE is house money
--- because I'm not aggressively saving anymore
----- it's this money or the rest of my life
----- i'm living on borrowed time and spending on extra money
- Would having a nicer house reduce my need to luxury travel and get away so much (I don't really think so..yes my house is pretty basic but I don't know that a nicer house would make it that much easier to be alone all the time... I mean it would at first...but 3 years later?)
- Ultimately I choose the known of financial security that comes with keeping my costs low vs the unknown of emotional outcomes (ie, a nicer house in a better neighborhood); the thing is ...let's just say I could find a place for $200k.... I would have to work longer or save more to pay that off. As it stands, I doubt I have more than 5 years left in me. Doubling my housing cost let's say by an extra $1k/mon would put my lean FIRE budget closer to $32k/year...which puts me at a leanFIRE budget of around $750k. I think that would take at least 2 or 3 more years if not the full 5.
I'm not willing to extend my time in the workplace. Part of what keeps me sane now is knowing I Could quit and be okay.
So yeah, regrets be darned.
I'm not planning that far in the future. I just can't.
And I can't aggressively save anymore. I just can't.
It's easy now for more Stable Brain to flog Mean Brain, but when Mean Brain was in power thinking about the future was not even an option. Everyday was meant to be my last.
I knew this would happen once I started to feel better. Which is why I want to document this conversation with myself as often as possible.
Also, best case scenario... I make it 5 years and make it to a million dollars. I can easily break off $100k and move into a nicer place.
So, Future Brain, given your recent mental decline, dare I say, mid-life crisis...this is the best of both worlds. You get to enjoy financial security and luxury travel.
You're winning. girl, just accept it.
I think it's just hard to let go of that frugal mindset and the aggressive savings and wanting to accomplish something and have something to show for it.
So my financial house is in order. My emotional health and well being remains a priority for the near future. Again, self, you are living on borrowed time, my friend. Do the things.
That's pretty much all I have to say on the subject. I will have to do these check-ins with myself often I imagine.
Side note: Still feel so freaking amazing to wake up to work already done!!! Yasssssssss, friends!
I saw this Frugalwoods Case study yesterday that talked about this woman going from feast to famine and being stuck in that cycle. Also the Frugalwoods themselves did it... they lived in a crappy basement apartment and overrcorrected by getting a fancy townhouse.
Wasn't sure if I was doing a bit of that, or if that's just the natural cycle of enjoying the fruits of your labor. I hope it's more of the latter. It just gets confusing when no one is quite living the life arc that you are. I reached the peak...so I relate more to the 60 year olds in terms of what I want to do with my money. I want to spend it down because the jury is still out on how long I'm actually going to live. So that's another variable for me that's not there for other people.
One year at a time, MERJ.
Moving away from that and thinking about life trajectory. This morning I woke up thinking...based on what I know now in my near 40s (vs when I was young and dumb), here's what an idea life trajectory might have looked like:
- High school - explore your interests, make friends, have fun, obey your parents
- Go to college, learn a marketable skill
- Spend the time after college, say 22 to 27, really establishing yourself professionally and figuring out your life plan a little... maybe travel or explore more interests, but kind of figure out your professional aspirations and social network; kind of start forming the building blocks of your future for all the areas that are important to you
- I think based on my own experience, age 27 is a great time to meet a partner; this way you can spend your 30s living together as adults; growing up together with some individual aspects and moving forward as a unit; in your 30s is when you can start having kids, so that your kids are at least school aged by your 40s; live more in the moment
- I think by your 40s, you can start thinking more about your future and finances post kids; you still have time to plan for a traditional or earlier retirement...figure out how far you want to grow your career; I just feel like by now you've poured your attention into parenting, and now you can focus on your finances, individual pursuits, and regetting to know your partner as a parent and partner and professional
This might also be a time to decide if you want to stay together... but I guess in the fantasy, the couple lives happily ever after.
So in my real life trajectory... I guess I have hit 40, and I've planned for my retirement; and in the process of separating from my life partner (my old self). I'm figuring out this life after 40 myself. I'm going to enjoy the fruits of my labor and take things at the pace they come. Just getting used to the pace of life after 40. There are no growth spurts or fast biological stages. Each year will look a lot like the last year...and sometimes it takes 2 to 5 years to move the needle in any aspect of your life.
But my mind is still childlike in that I want things to happen now, not in 1,000 sleeps.
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