Back from doctor's

 Even though I'm a bit agitated now, I know I'll recover soon. Just got to re-adjust.

I was at the doctor's longer than necessary because the name change caused my check in time to take almost 30 minutes. So I don't think the nursing staff knew that so I think they weren't too happy about that. Because my time with the doctor felt like less than 5 minutes.

But at the end of the day I got the things I wanted:

- an STD test with HIV bloodwork taken

- biometrics

- a recommendation for a primary care doctor

- copy of my old lab tests

And I actually asked the question about dryness in the cookie jar and she said it's not common after a hysterectomy because I still have my ovaries. More foreplay. My thoughts exactly. I think there was some side effects after some birth control I took and I think there was dryness after my surgery but oh well.

I didn't ask for the anti-depressant like my therapist wanted because honestly, the appointment was so rushed I had to go to my safe place to even ask for what I wanted.

Which I did!

She asked me, may I ask why you changed your first, middle, and last name. I couldn't tell if some of the of the follow-up questions were because she thought I was scamming something. But what? I always did wonder why some people don't try to commit more health insurance fraud. Maybe they do.

Then I got stuck thinking about the question because my answer did not seem too convincing. I don't know even just leaving for the appointment this morning, I felt renewed somehow. I just wanted to live my life the way I wanted. Say the things I want and be who I want. No covering or hiding in the shadows. Do you know I don't even say I'm a pharmacist when people ask what I do? 

I'm not sure I remember why. I think I like people treating me like a normal person, and not some highly educated xyz. Or like a 'dumb black girl.' I don't know. 

Without actively hurting anyone's feelings, I want to just live every aspect of myself. Brace yourself, MERJ, it won't happen overnight.

Anyway, I couldn't decide what I wanted for lunch. The African food place is close to the doctor's office but there 'everything is $20' pricing just feels wrong still. And I wasn't craving it as much as I thought. 

I also wanted to get the Food Lion spend done and over with. I figured I'd just get 4 of the Dan Dan noodle bowls. I don't love their $5 price tag either and no matter how much I try can never stock up. $5 for a frozen meal just doesn't add up when I can get $1.50 meals at McDonald's.  Luckily it was on sale, for 50 cents off. So I just got the 2.

I needed to still make it to $10 so I picked up a box of cereal. And then decided I'd been wanting hot cereal, so got a box of generic low sugar oatmeal. 

That wasn't enough for the second $10 so I bought a $7 gift card to Food Lion for Transaction #2. Phew! Now I'm done with this bank bonus!

Yay!

Then immediately after returning to my car, I was hungry for the African food. Hahah, too late! I was too close to home. Luckily the Dan Dan noodles don't require much thought. But by the time I turned the stove on, I realized a banana and a nap was all I really wanted.

Anyway, I'm noticing my recovery is faster after minor upsets. Don't know how to quantify it. 

Anyway, just wanted to share.