This isn't working

 Ugh, there are already 3 emails in my inbox of things to do next week and beyond. From my perspective, I was trying to stay in my lane, not do other people's work, keep my head down and mind my own business. It didn't work. 

Now I just have more stuff to do in a shorter period of time because everyone isn't holding up their end of the bargain. I was trying to stop focusing on what my teammate wasn't doing, but doing so just meant me catching what's fallen between the cracks.

I don't work best in reactive mode but that's how my team seems to operate. Just running around like a chicken with the head cut off. 

But I'm being advised by people in my life not to work nights and weekend. And truthfully after that darn basic bonus, working nights and weekend is uncompensated. So I don't really want to work for free. 

But what do you do when the work isn't getting done? I don't want to look stupid doing trainings I don't know how to do. 

I don't know how to approach this job and now my eyes are stinging on the brink of tears. 

I don't mind doing the work I'm assigned to do at the beginning of when I'm assigned to do it. I don't like doing other people's work at the last minute or not knowing it was my job to do it. 

I thought this girl was supposed to be reviewing these decks. Isn't that what the workstream and those meetings were for? 

So how do I account for other people not doing their work and it landing in my To Do box at the last minute. I don't like it. It makes me anxious. 

I just can't wing a powerpoint. I just can't. I know some of the people that trained me can and do. But I can't just make up stuff and I'm not comfortable being a trainer and saying "I don't know." I know I hate it as a learner when I hear that. It just kind of derails the training for me. It lowers my confidence in the trainer. 

But maybe that's it. If they're not paying me to get good, then they get basic. To match that Basic Bonus? 

It's just a complete mental paradigm shift for me. How much dumber and lower can I and my expectations get?