Am I actually the dumb one?, Anxiety, and A Little Blip

 My manager did a crash course with the vendor today for the 4 to 6 week training plan we have coming up. My other teammates didn't show up. Is everyone just super confident, and I'm the only one suffering behind the scenes? 

It seems so. I have so much anxiety with these trainings because I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. But no one else prioritized attending. 

I'm glad I did because I know a lot more than I thought I did. 

Which makes me feel like an idiot for panicking so much. 

I just can't break out of the panic-mode habit I have when I'm put on the spot. 

Anyway it's all butterflies and rainbows for me right now. Yesterday, I happened to be at the Food Lion at the right time to notice they have a wings bar! Some days I just want to eat fried things. I had just a plate of French fries for dinner three times in the last 7 days. And those fried wings tasted oh so yummy yesterday! 

I can't wait to get more for dinner. 

And then Mint sent an email about their updated features. I couldn't tell what they were, but I was clicking around and noticed that sometime this month in March my assets hit a record high of $400k (4/2/21 Update - turns out one of my accounts was counted twice, so nope, still very much in the 300s). !! Can you imagine, poor little me?? I mean it's gone down a lot since then but it was still super fun to see! 

Poor little discontented me. I don't even remember what my reach goal was for assets to serve as an inflection point. I hide so many signs of hope for myself, that even I can't find them when I need them. Well, in the end it's good because hope usually lets me down. 

Anyway because of fried chicken and a blip of $$, I am riding this cloud until the next chasm of disappointment. I'm sure it won't be long. 


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