Mixed and Neutral Feelings

 Well at least feeling nothing is closer to my normal.

I feel like a zombie. 

Sometimes I have these really encouraging moments at work where I feel like yes, I can do this. I WANT to do this. But most times I feel like what am I doing here. 

Then there're moments like these where all I can do is wonder when will it all end. 

I don't have any new complaints. Same ole:

Am I ever going to get good at this?

Why so many conversations with no actions?

What exactly am I supposed to be doing?

Why did I ever leave Call Center #1?

When I calculate my hourly wage based on actual hours worked, I'm making less than I did as an intern. Womp, womp. 

I did have a couple of high emotion events that normally would have lasted longer and been cause for much consternation with my colleagues, but so far I mostly just want to get back in bed and eat Lucky Charms. It's mostly when I try to sleep that I'll be stuck in replay. 

My cousin I don't like that much hasn't called me back. Neither has my racist friend. Their loss, right?

At least I'm not spiraling over something at work. Not consistently, but in fits and spurts I'm trying to stay in my lane but still do the job. Just trying to "work smarter, not harder." Like the last PPT I did. I just copy and pasted vs spending tons of time recreating verbiage or doing fancy formatting or even adding video. 

And for another deck, I was going to create the laborious patient journey, but when I checked in with my manager she was fine to use a deck we already had. Yasss!

So, little wins.