Overwhelmed and in Tears

I came online around 9a to blog about the fact that I got up, got in the car to go run some errands- since Thursday has historically been my errand day- then almost immediately turned the car off.

I got in the car; I started the car; and I just didn't want to go anywhere. The only thing I really "needed" was dishwasher tabs, but just the effort of having to wear the mask and be aware of my surroundings was more than I was willing to handle.

I think it's just the pending feeling of  doom? with New Job. I just wanted this week to be a carefree week. For some reason running errands didn't feel carefree. Plus I forgot the returns in the house.

So I turned the car off, checked the mail and headed back in.

2 hours later, it's 11a.

I did get the email I had been hoping for. The laptop for New Job is scheduled to arrive tomorrow (Friday).  Yay, right?

But why am I in tears? I don't know if I've ever actually shed tears in the past for feelings of overwhelm. This might be a first.

I spent the last 2 hours and the past few days trying to find a way to get my hair done. I have to get it washed, blow-dried, go to the beauty supply store, take it to another stylist to get the rest of the style completed.

This is why I shaved all my hair off in the first place. Now that it's in this short-phase it's especially annoying. Actually it's always been annoying because it's ALWAYS  a process. And all these solo-entrepreneurs with their inconsistent business practices don't make it easy!

It is just a pebble in my shoe that I didn't expect. A large part of WFH perks for me is not having to be camera ready, but now that there's this expectation I have to be on video, it's another task...made only more complicated with COVID.

I think what's especially annoying is knowing I'll be sitting here all day babysitting these phone lines when I could be getting stuff done.  I mean, it's my job and I'm getting paid for it but still.

Then I get the email confirmation from New Job.

First I notice my Preferred Name is there, but the actual email address is still my real name. So what's the point of that?! I wanted to go by Preferred Name to avoid any more conversations about my name. Now this is just asking for more questions. I think that's what's making me the most annoyed.  I spent so much mental energy coming up with Preferred Name and all its implications, and it was all for naught.

To top it off, to verify our employment there's all this running around to do - print the forms (how?); make copies of ID documents (how?); find a notary (who? where?); then send it via FedEx. 

That's at least 3 trips.  How is this helpful!

I've been hired remotely before and it was a one-trip process. New Job needs to contract with an employment verification agency. This is not a good solution. I understand that COVID disrupted a lot of process, but do better.

Now I'm thinking, did I leave one badly run organization to join another?

So I'm just crying. It solves nothing.

I still have to figure out my hair.
I still have to figure out how to get my ID verification done.
And what to do about my name?