I'm Nervous

I've had my first little taste of bitter at work. I think I came across too critical today. I wasn't even trying to be critical. I was asked what I thought about something, and I answered. But I think my manager took it as a critique and asked what I was used to doing.

I think I have to be more mindful that people are paying attention to what I'm saying. So I felt somewhat compelled to show an example of what I did in my last gig.

Then I had written a brief bio about myself, that included a little bit of my personal background. THIS IS HUGE for a non-forthcoming person like me. So, now I'm nervous that I over-shared. Fortunately, I only emailed about 8 people.

So now, I'm constantly checking my email (eventhough it's after hours) to see how my email landed. I'm afraid of a negative response or my manger thinking it was inappropriate. I don't have a good radar for detecting when things are too personal. I think anything about yourself is personal if it's not related to work. So I didn't have a good gauge.

Plus, I was motivated by the fact that I just want people to know where my head is these days and to just have one more space to talk about my aunt. Yes, I mentioned she recently passed away.

Basically, I'm alone and grieving. Cut me some slack!

I think the guise of COVID helped me feel like it was okay. Since everyone is working remotely, so less room for organic conversations about your life. And I wanted to do it sooner rather than later. Also, people are quick to talk about their family and kids and parents and in my last job, their addiction. So, I don't know, at first I felt comfortable, but notably, that comfort faded. But like I do, I was already committed to the process.

So my first dip in the excitement. It was bound to happen.

Happy Wednesday!

I can feel myself going to that dark place - the one where I never have to feel bad feelings. So I'm going to sign off; eat some potatoes, cake; and watch TV.