Sat, Dec 17, 2022, Is it time for me to go?

 So I made it to Maryland. I went to my work Christmas party and had some yummy food. And all of a sudden it's Saturday. As usual, after about 3 days the novelty of 'visiting family' has worn off and the digs have started. There have already been 2 comments about my hair and a few comments about my 'big butt.' 

My aunt is getting fussy and loud. I want to leave.

One of my cousins is having her birthday party for her kid, and I don't really want to go. I think my aunt wanted to go.

My other aunt was getting fussy about the Thanksgiving get together I didn't even go to but invited a committee member too. Apparently that was a no-no.

Maryland Aunty says I'm a 'disciple' to the blogs I read. What does that even mean? I confronted her about the "God told me" and she got loud and tried to say if you don't hear God, it's because you don't have a relationship with him.

This family is infuriating. 

I'm cold and a little bit hungry and annoyed.

My little cousins don't really talk and they're just raised differently than I was. When I look at the relationship I have with my family, it's no wonder I'm single and friendless. The men in my family just kind of wait on the women to do all the planning and family bonding stuff.

I don't think any of them ever initiate a conversation or try to have a relationship with me. So I don't know what a healthy relationship with the opposite sex even looks like. I've never had one. 

My brother stopped by unexpectedly, and this time I just waited for him to have the conversation. We exchanged platitudes and then he left. I'm not sure what the big deal is for getting together. It's kind of the contention I've held about these things. 

Half the time I can't eat the food, and I don't really have conversations with anyone at the get togethers. I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with any of my cousins. Anything I know about them I hear second hand which is as good as a social media story. You only hear the highlights (or lowlights), and you have to make up the rest.

My goal was not to be stuck in the house and alone for the rest of the month. But I'm still weighing if this is a better option. I looked at the meetups in my town and there's really nothing I can even turn my nose up at until January.

I'm trying not to look too far ahead and be dismayed.

And I truly have work to do, but I'm not sure if going back means I'll do it. 

Right now I want to make a big batch of puppy chow and go home and buy a month of Discovery Plus and watch all my shows. 

I'm glad I came for the Christmas party because I got my need for a big social gathering and yummy eats out of the way.

I don't even want to go to Mean Auntie's house for Christmas. 

Maybe I'll talk it over with my counselor.

I really wish I didn't have real work to do. 

Phew just checked a message from Bruno and it wasn't bad. One crisis averted.

I can't help but try to future plan if this is really what my life will look like. 

Meh. 

I don't really have anything to go back to, but I don't really want to stay here.

Maybe I'll leave Tuesday?