Matching Damage or How to Pick a Partner

 It's pretty common that people enter in relationships with something from their past that they want to revise or recreate.

As I was watching the Netflix special about Harry and Meghan, it was affirmed once again. He wanted someone he could protect but also reminded him of his mother. (But also, he saw a goofy pic of her and as the story always goes, had to meet her; so MERJ...be pretty!!)

So I thought about using this to work backwards and figure out the avatar for the mate that would be looking for me.

The things that are easily deliverable for me:

- Loyalty

- Attention

(*good financial habits)

*If the man is the provider, I'm not sure how many of them go into relationships with financial compatibility in mind, that usually just turns out to be something they find out later.

So focusing on Loyalty:

My husband's avatar is going to be someone who has been cheated on, betrayed by friends or family in some way. Maybe doesn't have too many close friends for a variety of reasons. (So someone new to the area, like someone in Seattle would be good; an introvert maybe; definitely not someone who is the life of the party; so I think a semi-social, introvert techie, without a lot of friends. So I think these meetups are a good place, and I probably am going to have to keep scouring trivia and board game nights for this avatar; I wonder though if by Dr. Pat's standards how that goes for date planning because in this scenario, I would need to be the one planning the fun dates; but maybe he can still plan the dates but I can have an overtly fun social life that he wants to be a part of as he chooses....so he can indirectly benefit from it without me being the one to 'date' him.)

For my strength of Attention:

-  My Husband Avatar is someone whose mom didn't pay a lot of attention to him. Maybe didn't get a lot of attention from women; or at work; or somewhere where he wants attention and there is a deficit; so someone raised by a single, struggling mom but not a mama's boy. So there's some relationship but not a super close one. Someone whose mom was neglected by their partner, if that person's parents are still married somehow.

And maybe has a wayward sibling that they're not particularly close to and don't look up to. Preferably an older brother.

It needs to be someone who doesn't want what their parents had. 

The struggling might be good because this might be time for him to want to be hero/protector to me and want to financially support us. 

The trick might be someone who comes from a broken family might want a family, but I feel like if you live in a city like Seattle, there's still some adventure left in you.

So Sean fits that bill better than Dan. 

So I think my Husband Avatar is more like a Sean. Steve in more so, but I think Steve is more of a feminine energy man and I want to be the feminine energy.

The ideal prototype is:

- Raised by a struggling, single mom, who is either dead or not that close. Has found career and financial success/stability and is looking for someone to invest in financially and emotionally. And protect. Is still building roots in the community. 

Parts of this prototype are what I've been drawn to naturally, but the other parts I got wrong. I used to want someone with established roots in their community who came from a large family. But those people tend to have more options and would take longer to commit. I liked social people because they were easier to get along with, but this little exercise tells me I need to refocus my efforts. I like it, I'm always here for a rule or better guidance. And luckily based on job availability and being a hot city right now, Seattle still seems like a great place to meet my Husband Avatar.