Wed, Dec 7, 2022, Bubble guts and freedom

 For the second day in a row, my stomach has felt rumbly. I think it was one of three things I ate or maybe all of them. I had a McDs biscuit which caused a faint rumble. Then had Mexican for lunch and they have questionable fat that they use and their guacamole is "creamy." Then I decided to top it off with donuts with questionable dairy content.

I've been able to enjoy Macdonald's over the last couple years with only mild distress and only recently started expanding into their buttery biscuits. I've also had those donuts and that Mexican food with some success. Yesterday was not the day.

It probably didn't help that I had just had big GI distress a week ago. I told myself I was giving up eating questionable things, but apparently that was a lie. I got rid of the A2 milk and the Oatmilk that was in the fridge that I never tried but apparently some of my old faves are doing my dirty. 

I can probably forego future donut adventures for the time being, but will likely challenge myself to McDs breakfast in the foreseeable future. As for the Mexican fajitas, I don't eat there often and can either do Chipotle or if I don't want to drive that far, try the meal with the pulled chicken (but the veggies are still questionable) and without the "creamy" guacomole sauce. 

Anyway, I've been lying on the couch not really able to concentrate on anything. I vacillated between being glad I finally got Counselor Mark to feel my woes of being single and black in America. But kinda regretted it later. Why did I need him to validate my experience so badly. Like, please feel my pain and understand it. Does he really care? Does anything change for him or me? Doubtful. I think I'm around so many Loud Lucys, I get confused with the need to be heard. My default has been just to stay silent vs hitting them over the head with my thoughts but every now and then, this happens. 

Sometimes I want to think we are all connected and the things we say and do affect each other even though we like to pretend they don't. But other times I like to work under the narrative that there are no consequences. Who knows.

Then I got to thinking about budgets again. I really like how easy it is to just let my extra money go into my 401k then hang around in my savings account. So I was trying to figure out how to best budget for next year - where I have enough to fund my Summer in Seattle, but also have enough to extend my stay if I meet someone, while not letting too much hang out in savings. 

I thought I was pretty set with allocations until the student loan deferral for 2023 announced. 

The easy thing would be just to adjust my contributions to account for the extra $800/mon (student loan) + $500/mon (tithe), but somehow my brain can't compute. 

I guess I'm not ready to let go of the cushion I just got attached to. I think because there's still an unfinished thought of staying 9 months in Seattle? I mean less so, but there was an old part of me that was waiting for some extra money to make staying in Seattle "full-time" a reality. So eventhough logically, my counselor and I decided that the summer bird idea offers me a lot of flexibility, I'm not entirely sold on the idea. I am turning 39 after all, and boy oh boy! 

So yeah, I probably will end up making a few contingency plans financially because that's how I do. So while my savings goals are still in flux, the default of $36k remains unchanged. That is achievable if I live in Seattle for 9 months next year or not.  It's just a matter of shuffling extra savings into 401k (which requires pre-planning) or dumping the extras in taxable account (no pre-planning) at the end of a defined period. 

Also, I saw on Amtrak that they are discounting fares 20% off if you book 7 days in advance. I feel like when I first tested the pricing, this wasn't the case. That's why I felt I could book day of. But now I don't know. I thought about trying to see if I book for next Saturday at $62 and ride this Saturday, if they'll still let me board. In this moment, it just feels like what was supposed to be a cheap last minute trip is slowly stacking up.

I think I'm just tired of spending money!