It's Wednesday. I had counseling with Counselor Mark today. I told him about Max and he said it was not worthwhile to pursue a friendship with him. Yeah, but... I wanted to say.
But I kind of already knew that. A part of me did want him to flirt back with me. And obviously leave his wife for me, duh.
Although there were a few sweet moments we shared, he didn't pursue me. He pursued his wife. They never pursue me do they?
I felt a little embarrassed, but that's the good thing about therapy. My counselor is like a confessional. I never have to see him again if I don't want to.
He thinks I seek approval from others and when they reject me and I spiral it's because I think there's something insufficient about me. I don't think that.
And I'm tired of trying to convince counselors otherwise.
So I'm learning not to take heed of all of his advice. Because they still want us to interact in the way we aspire all humans to interact. And that's just not reality.
I'm a depressed girl with depressive flares. I don't want to make anyone feel better. I just want to feel better. That can be my only objective.
Tomorrow I have a session with Katie. Maryland Aunty will be home so that will be interesting to try to disguise the conversation. If I go to another room, it will make her suspicious. But I'm not ready to reveal to her that I'm in counseling.
Oh Counselor Mark said the default is to build and maintain relationships with your family members. Meh.
I don't think because they don't invite me to the family get-togethers that they necessarily care if I'm there or not. That I think he's wrong about.
Not much else to report. I still haven't worked on my 2 work projects, but I am hopeful they'll be manageable when I get back to NC.
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