So I woke up a little bit better than yesterday. Had more of a spring in my step. The morning wasn't as frigid. I think instead of 30s, it was in the low 50s with promise of a warmup. That helped. It must've.
I had plans based on this warm weather to accomplish some things. And I did!
Accomplishments
- Took items to shred to the dump ($5)
- Completed my remaining money order ($1k)
- Bought some fruit ($5)
- Got some donuts ($5)
- Got a breakfast sandwich ($3)
I feel good! My house is officially clean for next year. And I took a look in the scary closet, and it looks like the cleaning service really straightened up in there. So that is awesome! I rolled out the nested suitcases so that I'll be more inclined to take out the carryon for my trip.
Looks like my project got pushed out a little. This is good, sort of, but it's kind of just dragging on. But mostly good.
Had some reflections on my drive about town. Just realizing that this is retirement. This is a low cost retirement community. There is a hospital, a Walmart, some parks. That was the basics of a default retirement landscape.
The more I read about Single Moms by Choice, I feel a little less cheated. I reread someone's blog who also felt like they got sold a bag of goods. I can relate, sister! I can relate!
Just like not everyone will make 6 figs, or own a home, or not be out of prison, or have kids, or even have a happy marriage. Not everyone gets romantic love. Yes, even skinny white people. It sucks, but that's just life.
Even though I probably still will, I don't need to overturn every stone to look for this pre-destined life, or search and research to find "my way," or second guess or look to assign meaning to the circumstances of my life. Categorically this has made me feel unhappy, depressed, disappointed. Unhappy people make unhealthy choices. Or is it the other way around.
Life can be simple. Do that.
It's remarkable to me how manual building a home is. It looks like this complicated thing, which I'm sure the pre-work is. But it's manual. I see these men with ladders and hammers and nails. (In case you're wondering, I have front row seats to new construction being built a few feet from the end of my driveway).
I've been thinking of going somewhere during winter shutdown at work. Somewhere warmer. But nearby. Direct flights only. Maybe Aruba or Mexico. Somewhere easy.
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