New Life Plan

 It's 8:33p and I feel a little bit better than I did this morning.

But to cope of course, I have to adjust my life plan just a little bit. 

I'm obviously running out of resolve and resilience for this job and work in general, hence this journey. I put too much stock in what this big fancy job was going to bring me. 

I was afraid of saying my true goals because I know the Devil is just around the corner, but I'm saying it anyway.

New Life Plan

Step 1: Retire by 39 or 40

- Reach FIRE 500 by Dec 2022 (age 38)

- Stay until March 2023 (age 39) for Bonus Day (because why not)

- Optional: work one more year up to Bonus Day/ March 2024 (age 40)

Step 2: Early Retirement

Be early retired for 10 years

(age 39/40 to age 50)

Step 3: Figure out what's next

Notes:

I originally wanted to enjoy retirement for at least twice as long as I worked. But if I'm rounding up to 40, that means I worked from 31 to 40, which is about 9 years. I don't see myself living another 20 years. That's just too much. 

So I think 10 years will just have to be fine. 

I was originally concerned that by speaking my goals out they weren't going to work out because that's what usually happens.  It'll probably happen here too.

But the way I see it, if the stock market crashes, I would hope to have at least enough to get me through The Final Countdown. That's always the back-up plan. I think that's what that extra year is for. If something untoward happens, I'm building in 1 more year.  I'm sure something other than the stock market crash will happen - I'm just lucky that way! But for now that was my chief concern with publishing my true goals. 

Ideally whatever the catastrophe, I'd get back to $250k and initiate The Final Countdown.

If not, I think I'm just marking 40 as the cutoff, just to make it a manageable goal. I'll see where I am at age 39 and start making plans for where I might be at 40. Whatever my financial number is, I'll either do the 4% rule or divide in a way to make some version of early retirement happens. 

I don't have many more days where I can feel this down and still get back up.

I think even though my boss will never say it, I feel like I let her down. The only thing I'm good at is exceeding expectations. This mediocrity after trying to excel is just so foreign to me, I literally don't know how to sit with it peacefully. It is in these moments that I wish I had never left Call Center #1. I wish I had never wanted more. 

Tomorrow is pay day, so I'm trying to look forward to that. 

I started prepping for the interview that I have on Tuesday, so that's something. 

I feel ever so slightly more convicted to keep my head down and MIND MY BUSINESS in my current role.

How can I talk about and disparage My Buddy when I'm literally no better than her. This is why you shouldn't judge people and why you should MIND YOUR BUSINESS. #kettleblack for days!

Woosa! Yes, I do feel a little bit better. Purge that out of me and onto the web-iverse. 

I gotta keep swimming just a little bit longer.

And I gotta keep my head down.

And I gotta try to enjoy the ride a little bit. I want this to be my gear up to early retirement. 

Also, note to self, I'm not leaving the Death House. So I can deal with the leak tomorrow, the next day or in 10 years. It really doesn't matter. For now, I'm burying my head in the sand and just using 1 of the other 2 bathrooms.

Oh, the last thing I read on the internet that really resonated with me was this - sometimes we hope sheer hard work turns the hamster wheel into a ladder. Sometimes it's just a hamster wheel.

I was churning that hamster wheel and now I'm out of breath. My wheel was just a wheel.