This Week's Thoughts and Expenses

As with just about every weekend since I started my financial independence journey in 2018, I have nothing else to do so I binge read blogs and pore over my finances in one way or another. This morning was no different.

It's a huge win because I didn't do any work! 

I did make a list of things to do when I do go back to work, but as of 4:45pm, I didn't even check my work email.

We'll see because I'm on my work laptop, but I'm proud of myself, that's pretty much a whole business day!

First, this week I started formally tracking my working hours.

I've been mentally tracking my hours just as loooooong days, and in periods of concentrated work days/weeks, I'll do back of the napkin calculations just to try to persuade myself to work normal hours. However, this time I wrote it down in my brand new planner!

Work hours goal for Not Bummer Summer: 24 to 28 hours.

This is based on not being paid for nights and weekend and working seemingly non-stop since I started in Jun 2020. This was compounded by a weak bonus score and my boss telling me that my salary ask of $140k was NOT POSSIBLE. 

Anyway, by my estimations, I worked 36 hours Mon-Fri this week!

THIS IS AWESOME!!

I had to log-in at odd hours this week which made me grumpy, but I just counted the times I was actively at the computer doing work stuff. 

I can't count the mental hours and the not sleeping, but that's okay. And I didn't count the optional work time... actually that was an oversight. I forgot I worked on a presentation on Thursday night. 

So I guess I was closer to 40 hours than I thought. Baby steps. 

I actually used the Zebra to casually see if my home insurance is as outrageous as I think it is. They quoted premiums between $600-$800 which is within my range. So that helps alleviate some of that concern.

I've really been trying not to check my finances so much, but golly gee, it's tough!

Work is just such an emotional roller coaster.

I never really feel like I know what I'm supposed to be doing or HOW I'm doing performance wise. I mean my boss always says things are great, but she says that about everyone and everything. 

I will report that in a moment of impulse (after stewing on it a few nights), I asked for a new role (with an implied higher salary) and said my goal would be to be Associate Director by Jun 2022. 

She didn't respond.

Then our Roles and Responsibilities meeting got pushed back 2 weeks. 

Outcome #1: It's a true scheduling conflict

Outcome #2: She's running my suggestion up the ladder? Can you imagine?! 

I don't necessarily want the responsibility as much as I want to be compensated for the work I feel I'm actually doing and the contributions I feel like I'm making.

I'm feeling some level of burnout more with the chaos than anything. 

Surprise, surprise My Buddy actually filled out the Roles and Responsibilities chart. LIKE FOR REAL SURPRISE! 

I was mildly offended that for my primary responsibility, she listed my Boss  as a co-owner of the process. Rude. It made me wonder what my Boss says to her about me and the program I'm in charge of. 

I guess it's a kettleblack situation because I definitely try to subtly point out that I don't think My Buddy is contributing the way I would like her to. 

I NEED TO STOP DOING THAT.

But I guess it's not a kettleblack situation because my Boss NEVER badmouths My Buddy. I mean NEVER. Which is what I find the most confusing. I think every time she lumps us together it makes me think she thinks I don't do anything because I think My Buddy doesn't do anything. 

Anyway, so that was work.

A lot of running around.

A lot of feelings.

But I'm slowing chipping away at at least working summer hours. 

My background Summer Schedule Goals: 

Mon - Th: 9a to 3p

Fri: 9a to 1p

I think all that's left for me to untangle is how much work and effort I'm really going to put forth. I know I physically can't keep running around picking up rain drops. That's just not worth the effort. 

It literally doesn't pay off. 

And I'm so tired that when I need the energy to do my actual projects, I feel like I'm too tired from all the running around to give it 120%.

So as for the Roles and Responsibilities chart, so far it's not really the outcome I wanted, but I know my Boss is going to go for it. So I think I really just got to bite my tongue, get through the next launch, and lay low. I'm tired. 

I have to untangle my feelings and just focus on getting my paycheck and reaching my FIRE goals. 

It's like the girls that want to get married and realize nothing really different happens in their life. I thought having this job would maybe provide some sort of fulfillment or purpose? I think I just really wanted to be good at it, but I'm just not. 

I only wish I could be a candidate for 1 More Year Syndrome. But it's mostly just a countdown. 

So I think emotionally over the next two weeks just gotta brace myself for an undesirable outcome with the Roles and Responsibilities. Just try to become less emotionally invested in this job and my relationship with my boss overall.

This is what I do when I can't control outcomes. I just have to detach. I was sheltered in place before it was trending. 

I just have to make it to FIRE. My greatest fear is some market downturn that will make this a 10 year goal. 

I feel like there's a message in here for me that I'm not seeing. 

Just get through my launch... which is the next 6 weeks... then it'll be fall and then Christmas. I can do this! I can do this, I can do this. 

Other than that, I've been watching Pillow Talk: Happily Ever After.

I guess my Summer Snack Spending continues. 

I'm going to get get 3 kinds of chips and some kind of snacky chicken once I get off this thing.

I also want some grape soda. 

Oh, expenses. Let's see how this week and month have been!

I blame A Purple Life. I saw that her net worth hit an all time high of $700k this week after not working for the last 8 months or so from ~$500k. 

I'm due for a Q2 check-in, anyway, so this is just a sneak peek :)

Well that was a fail. Mint wouldn't load this week's transactions. 

But then a few minutes later after a few more log-ins, we got this!

That's actually my Variable spending for the month. Recurring Bills comes from a different account that was refusing to load. 

Actually this exercise was good because those $47 dollars of Misc Expenses had been lumped into Groceries and I looked like was over my loose target monthly spend of $200 or less/mon on Food. I have extra in my account that I consider my allowance, so if I really wanted these chips I could get them. However, I know I need to rein in my Food Spending a bit because I have not been very cost-efficient. This is why my Food Budget is pretty generous at $200/mon. I like a lot of reasonable wiggle room because I like buying whatever I want here. There's nothing more satisfying than opening a fresh pack of a convenience food :)

Anyway, being so close to the target spend for the month kind of took the fun out of it, but it was good toreallocate the money because about $50 was on incidental supplies for the house that weren't edible - like paper goods, bug spray... oh I probably should've put that in the Home Supplies category, but oh well. Actually speaking of which... some of that bug spray I bought at Food Lion qualifies here too. Yes, I have 3 cans of bug spray at this point. Let me go re-do even more categories. 

Anyway, that's what my variable spending looks like for June so far. We are almost halfway through this COVID year!